Forever Changed

I feel like my heart breaks open every few minutes and intensly overflows with compassion. This country and the amazing people who live here are making such an imprint on my soul, and I already feel forever changed. There are no words to accurately explain the beautiful hearts of the Cambodian people, or their daily suffering and pain... but I will try, and I hope that through me you can peer through a lens at a different way of life.

The children at the orphanage are all amazing, and I've already fallen in love with each one. Every day I arrive they run to me with open arms screaming "teacher" or "Masa" which in Khemer means April (same as in Thai). I give them as much hugs as possible, before and after class, during play time and after lunch... their is no material possession that they could possibly need more than love and affection. There are over 50 children living under one roof with a few volunteers and working staff (all of which are men), so they live for a nurturing embrace! Besides hugs, my favorite part of the day is sitting with them before lunch and playing games. I feel like I am surrounded by a million siblings or cousins, and our only objective in life is to laugh as much as possible. The other day I brought in a few different colors of nail polish and had such a fun time painting all of the girls finger nails. In the midst of having to hand wash their own clothes and dishes, they enjoy getting the chance to just be little kids! And they love playing with my hair - usually I get a new hair do when I come in each day, and of course I have to leave it in while I teach my classes... I have no idea what it actually looks like, but they love me no matter what kind of hair day I'm having!

After play time and lunch - which is made in the kitchen each day by two lovely women and usually consists of rice, a small portion of vegtables and some sort of protein, like an egg, dried fish or meat substitute - I teach classes from 1:00-4:00 in the afternoon. I have two English classes and one Geography class... after my first day I realized that most of them had no idea where Cambodia was on a map, let alone what their country actually looks like. In a place where so many people are illiterate and uneducated, they are incredibly lucky and grateful to recieve an education. It's fun teaching the classes, although it can be pretty draining as well! I don't even teach a full day, and already I have so much respect and appreciation for all the full time teachers out there who are making such an impact on so many young lives. It just blows me away!

It truly is a blessing that these little children are off of the streets and in a safe place. There is SO much child prostitution and trafficking here in Cambodia, that most homeless orphanes get pulled in at a terribly young age. All of the kids at CCH used to live on the big trash dump at the edge of town called Suen Menchey, digging for scraps of food and collecting recyclable items to sell in hopes of making atleast a dollar a day! Today I went with a group to distribute food at the garbage sight, and it was one of the most heart wrenching experiences I have ever had. More than 500 families have built make shift homes of garbage on top of heaps of filth, most of which are women and children. The dump itself is absolutely huge, stretching farther than the eye can see. Heaps of gray, bleak, steaming filth everywhere, with the heavyest feeling of dispare hanging in the air. The people are all covered in dirt and dressed in stained rags... but these rags are considered a luxury because many of the tiny children run around completely naked. Almost all of the kids have no shoes, and their legs and feet are painfully cut up from walking around on all the sharp objects. Their eyes were filled with a distant sadness and a fierce longing. We gave away 400 loaves of bread, and many box loads of fresh fruit, but what we brought was still not enough. There were so many mouths to feed and my heart screamed out for each one. I've never seen such desperation in my entire life. I have also never really experienced the pains of hunger, yet all these beautiful little children have learned to accept starvation as a way of life. This experience today has changed me in ways I can not describe in words, and I am still trying to understand how to process it hours later. I'm not sure how I can go back to a life abundant with so much, knowing that there are so many living with absolutely nothing. These children will be with me each and every day of my life, reminding me to live mindfully and to take be grateful for every single breath.

If you want to learn more about the orphange I'm volunteering at or see pictures of the children and garbage dump on line, visit http://www.cchcambodia.org/

I love you all so much

April