Bittersweet Good-bye

This past week as been one of tremendous ups and downs, tears and laughter, inspirations and setbacks... with lots of time for reflection and introspection throughout it all. Although it's been hard to say good-bye to all the children at the CCH orphanage, I can honestly say I have never felt more ready and excited to come home! I am missing all my beautiful family and amazing friends, and I'm so looking forward to reconnecting with everyone again. Cambodia has completely shook me to the core - physically, emotionally, spiritually - and I'm not sure how I will share it with you when I return, but I promise to do my best. It has been more difficult than I had ever imagined, yet so much more rewarding than anything I've ever experienced. It showed me the deep suffering and pain of humanity, yet it also shed light on the unbelievable beauty and strength that we all bear within our hearts. My experience here as brought me full circle to the same truth that I started my journey with almost 6 months ago... that we are all exactly the same. No matter how much material wealth we are surround by, or how little we have to eat, or the way we were raised, or the color of our skin - We are all human beings, who desire more than anything to be loved unconditionally and accepted just as we are. We all crave peace, happiness and freedom from suffering; and we hope to find these things in a loving environmet where others are there to support us along the way. We are deeply connected by the same basic fabric of life, and now more than ever before I am completely certian of this truth, because I have lived and breathed it with every inch of my being.

This weekend I traveled to a very remote village with a teacher from CCH to visit an orphanage near his home province, in which he is committed towards helping his people. It was well over two hours outside Phnom Penh, pretty much smack in the middle of the desolate country side. There were over 50 children gathered from all the surrounding villages, who's parents had either died from HIV or were given up because they simply could not afford to take care of them. These little ones were so intimidated by my presence and starred in me in complete wonder throughout my entire stay. I could tell they rarely if ever get visitors, and have probably yet to meet a foreigner in their young lives. Luckily I brought books in Khemer and English to give as gifts, which helped to break the ice a bit... but really my entire visit was a bit overwhelming for them. The way they pined over the books throughout the morning made me realize that they had probably never had any books of their own before. No toys, no shoes, no books, one or two pairs of clothes, no clean drinking water, and barely enough to eat. I met with the director to talk about some fundraising ideas for when I get back home, because donations are something that they desperately need. The cost for food each day is 30 dollars, which feeds 60 mouths, including the teachers, caregivers and cooks. That's 50 cents a day per person, and often even this is too hard to achieve - usually they can only afford to cook the children two meals a day. They do have a make shift class room which sits out in the open air with desks and a black board, but clearly their main focus is on day to day survival and prevention of illness. I met one little boy who had to scoot around on his bottom using his hands because his legs were completely limp and would never be suitable for walking. His parents died of HIV and he has terrible scars all over his body. Most of the very tiny children were running around naked, with bulging bellies inflated from malnutrition. There was definitely a heavyness in the air, and I realized that these children have experienced more pain and suffering than I could possibly imagine. It also made me aware just how lucky the children are at the CCH orphanage, because their basic needs of food, water and shelter are being met through donor support, and not to mention recieving a good education. The heaviness I felt that day was more like a painful crash with the relization that most of the orphans and rural people in Cambodia live under these same conditions. Of course I can not just walk away from something like this once I've been exposed to it, so I plan on creating a food share program for them when I get home. I know you all have supported me so much up until this point and I could not have made this trip without each of you, but my joureny with the orphanaed children of Cambodia does not end when I get one the plane tomorrow... it just can't. If you are interested in helping change the quality of life for many young children, then I will send out more information on how to get involved with helping this rural orphanage once I have something more organized set up... but as always, I have to remind myself to take one step at a time, and the next one is coming home!

My last day at CCH with the children was truly bittersweet, because although we had such a nice time together, it was hard to say good-bye. I have gotten to know each one of their little personalities so well and love them for the shining light they each bring into this world. They were sad to see me go, and gave me little trinkets, drawings and jewelry to remember them by... as if I could forget! It's sad to say, but I can tell they have gotten used to people coming and going out of their lives pretty regularly, and have learned how to build up defense mechanisms to help cope. Such brave little beings, it's truly amazing! My last day I got the opportunity to travel out to a different village on the country side with some of the older children who stay at the sister orphanage called CDCC. It's a program that the youth has put together to help educate rural children about the problems of domestic violence and sexual abuse, child labor and trafficking, and HIV awareness. They select different villages every week and come up with plays that portray different important messages. I got to watch them perform a story about a young girl who was sent into the city by her drunk father to work at a factory so that she could support her family. This type of situation is all to real for young people here in Cambodia, and with the education that these teenagers are receiving in school and through their orphanage they are becoming aware that it just isn't right. I was blown away to watch them bring such a powerful message to other young children who are far less privileged than they are in terms of donor support, education and social awareness. The children at CCH and CDCC are incredibly grateful for the opportunity be living in a safe place with food, love and education; and it blows me away that they are so committed towards giving back to their community and the majority of orphanaed children in this country who do not have those privileges. I felt profoundly humbled and proud to watch the local Cambodian people working hard to uplift the rest of their country. The director of the program said to me "I am happy when my people are happy, but I know I can not do it alone. Change only happens when we all work together." What a great message to take home with me, and a comforting reminder that profound shifts are taking place in this amazing country every moment.

Good-bye Cambodia, and hello Colorado.
Love and peace to you all
April