This past week as been one of tremendous ups and downs, tears and laughter, inspirations and setbacks... with lots of time for reflection and introspection throughout it all. Although it's been hard to say good-bye to all the children at the CCH orphanage, I can honestly say I have never felt more ready and excited to come home! I am missing all my beautiful family and amazing friends, and I'm so looking forward to reconnecting with everyone again. Cambodia has completely shook me to the core - physically, emotionally, spiritually - and I'm not sure how I will share it with you when I return, but I promise to do my best. It has been more difficult than I had ever imagined, yet so much more rewarding than anything I've ever experienced. It showed me the deep suffering and pain of humanity, yet it also shed light on the unbelievable beauty and strength that we all bear within our hearts. My experience here as brought me full circle to the same truth that I started my journey with almost 6 months ago... that we are all exactly the same. No matter how much material wealth we are surround by, or how little we have to eat, or the way we were raised, or the color of our skin - We are all human beings, who desire more than anything to be loved unconditionally and accepted just as we are. We all crave peace, happiness and freedom from suffering; and we hope to find these things in a loving environmet where others are there to support us along the way. We are deeply connected by the same basic fabric of life, and now more than ever before I am completely certian of this truth, because I have lived and breathed it with every inch of my being.
This weekend I traveled to a very remote village with a teacher from CCH to visit an orphanage near his home province, in which he is committed towards helping his people. It was well over two hours outside Phnom Penh, pretty much smack in the middle of the desolate country side. There were over 50 children gathered from all the surrounding villages, who's parents had either died from HIV or were given up because they simply could not afford to take care of them. These little ones were so intimidated by my presence and starred in me in complete wonder throughout my entire stay. I could tell they rarely if ever get visitors, and have probably yet to meet a foreigner in their young lives. Luckily I brought books in Khemer and English to give as gifts, which helped to break the ice a bit... but really my entire visit was a bit overwhelming for them. The way they pined over the books throughout the morning made me realize that they had probably never had any books of their own before. No toys, no shoes, no books, one or two pairs of clothes, no clean drinking water, and barely enough to eat. I met with the director to talk about some fundraising ideas for when I get back home, because donations are something that they desperately need. The cost for food each day is 30 dollars, which feeds 60 mouths, including the teachers, caregivers and cooks. That's 50 cents a day per person, and often even this is too hard to achieve - usually they can only afford to cook the children two meals a day. They do have a make shift class room which sits out in the open air with desks and a black board, but clearly their main focus is on day to day survival and prevention of illness. I met one little boy who had to scoot around on his bottom using his hands because his legs were completely limp and would never be suitable for walking. His parents died of HIV and he has terrible scars all over his body. Most of the very tiny children were running around naked, with bulging bellies inflated from malnutrition. There was definitely a heavyness in the air, and I realized that these children have experienced more pain and suffering than I could possibly imagine. It also made me aware just how lucky the children are at the CCH orphanage, because their basic needs of food, water and shelter are being met through donor support, and not to mention recieving a good education. The heaviness I felt that day was more like a painful crash with the relization that most of the orphans and rural people in Cambodia live under these same conditions. Of course I can not just walk away from something like this once I've been exposed to it, so I plan on creating a food share program for them when I get home. I know you all have supported me so much up until this point and I could not have made this trip without each of you, but my joureny with the orphanaed children of Cambodia does not end when I get one the plane tomorrow... it just can't. If you are interested in helping change the quality of life for many young children, then I will send out more information on how to get involved with helping this rural orphanage once I have something more organized set up... but as always, I have to remind myself to take one step at a time, and the next one is coming home!
My last day at CCH with the children was truly bittersweet, because although we had such a nice time together, it was hard to say good-bye. I have gotten to know each one of their little personalities so well and love them for the shining light they each bring into this world. They were sad to see me go, and gave me little trinkets, drawings and jewelry to remember them by... as if I could forget! It's sad to say, but I can tell they have gotten used to people coming and going out of their lives pretty regularly, and have learned how to build up defense mechanisms to help cope. Such brave little beings, it's truly amazing! My last day I got the opportunity to travel out to a different village on the country side with some of the older children who stay at the sister orphanage called CDCC. It's a program that the youth has put together to help educate rural children about the problems of domestic violence and sexual abuse, child labor and trafficking, and HIV awareness. They select different villages every week and come up with plays that portray different important messages. I got to watch them perform a story about a young girl who was sent into the city by her drunk father to work at a factory so that she could support her family. This type of situation is all to real for young people here in Cambodia, and with the education that these teenagers are receiving in school and through their orphanage they are becoming aware that it just isn't right. I was blown away to watch them bring such a powerful message to other young children who are far less privileged than they are in terms of donor support, education and social awareness. The children at CCH and CDCC are incredibly grateful for the opportunity be living in a safe place with food, love and education; and it blows me away that they are so committed towards giving back to their community and the majority of orphanaed children in this country who do not have those privileges. I felt profoundly humbled and proud to watch the local Cambodian people working hard to uplift the rest of their country. The director of the program said to me "I am happy when my people are happy, but I know I can not do it alone. Change only happens when we all work together." What a great message to take home with me, and a comforting reminder that profound shifts are taking place in this amazing country every moment.
Good-bye Cambodia, and hello Colorado.
Love and peace to you all
April
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Khemer Culture
The past few days I've really gotten a taste of some of the authentic Cambodian customs and traditions, and as always, I feel like I've learned a lot! First, I went to a wedding on Friday night which was the sister of the director at CCH, whom I have never met before.... most of the staff at the orphanage was invited so I was more than thrilled to attend. However the reassuring feeling of knowing a few familiar faces did me no good, because I arrived on time around 6:00 and the rest of the teachers and volunteers didn't get there until well after 7:00. I was the only foreigner in the room, and it would be an understatement to say I received a few curious stares when I entered the party! One because I still speak very little Khemer, and was pretty lost in the way of what to say or how to act, and two because I was frighteningly undressed! All the women wore brightly colored dresses with sequences and rhinestones, while their hair was elaborately done in up-do's that would put my prom pictures to shame. They wore the most heavy make up, with stark white powdered faces - it's very in style here in Asia to appear to have pale skin. I on the other hand, was proud of myself for going out of the way to ask my friend to borrow some eye liner and eye shadow, which is more make up than I have worn in months! So ok, that was strike one, but I figured I had the whole night ahead of me to feel awkward, why stop with the entrance! I was seated a large table with a few boys who were attending the university here in town so they spoke a bit of English, but the gender roles are so intensely traditional here that they were too nervous to talk to me, and giggled anxiously throughout all of dinner... I felt like I was back in junior high. It was pretty amusing! Dinner was served on a round lazy Susan in the center of the table, and it seems that someone was playing a rude trick on everyone by making us use chop sticks to reach accross the table and pluck food up from the patters, and then carefully bring it back into our little individual bowls... each time we wanted to take one bite. I must say, I feel that I'm pretty comfortable with chop sticks, but not when forced to carry food a long distance and especially not when dozens of eyes are focued in my direction for diner time entertainment. I was doing pretty well until I spotted a plate of cashews (many of you might know that nuts are my weakness) and went for a little handful using my fingers. I felt some awkward stares, but by now I was feeling pretty used to it, so I opted to shrug it off. A bit later I noticed some of the men at my table using their chop sticks to individually pluck up the cashews one my one like pieces of sushi and drop them down their throats. Sorry, there is no way you can get me to eat nuts with chop sticks... so I stayed away from the cashew plate the rest of the evening. Ok, so everything began to get a bit less uncomfortable after dinner once people had had a few drinks... just like any wedding I suppose. Dancing begin, and of course I couldn't say no to the dance floor. By this time the CCH staff had arrived, and one of the other volunteers from Canada and I got talked into learning traditional Khemer dance. It was really fun and easy to pick up (although I'm not sure how Dan felt) and engaging in this traditional custom definitely helped to break the ice. I decided to stay on the dance floor for the rest of the night (since that seems to be where I felt the most comfortable) and made many friends... although the best part was, I still don't speak very much Khemer and no one around me spoke any English. With the music playing, our bodies swaying, and laughter guiding the way, I was amazed how dance had the power to bring us together. I was suddenly reminded that despite the customs and cultural differences, we were all just human beings, gathered together to celebrate the universal connection of love. I felt so close with all the beautiful people around me, as if I had known everyone for years! And yet when I said good-bye with the customary bow at the end of the night to the bride and groom, I still wasn't sure how to pronounce their names!
The next morning I caught an early bus to take the 6 hour trek through the country side towards Seim Reap, to visit the amazing ancient city Angkor with all it's incredible temples. During the 12th century, the Khemer empire was the most powerful in all of southeast Asia, and ruled a majority of the land for centuries. The king at this time made his people build many enormous temples, taking year to complete years to complete, in order to honor the spiritual gods, Hindu mythological deities as well as the Buddha. The most famous one built is called Angkor Wat and is by far the largest temple in the entire world. It has survived many civil wars as well as international disputes, and still stands tall in it's incredible magnificence. This is definitely a pride of Cambodian history because of it's deep connection to their roots. Up until this point in my trip, I had been so intensely focused on the genocide that had taken place here only 30 years ago, that I really could not see that there was so much other beautiful history to discover. I spent two full days riding a bike around the huge Angkor national park gazing at all the ancient trees and man made wonders, and yet I feel like I only scratched the surface of it's intense beauty. I'm not sure how to describe what the temples look like (I'll be sure to show you pictures when I get home) but here is my best attempt.
Although I was a hot and sweaty tourist walking around aimlessly under the almost unbearable heat, my surroundings made me feel like a princess from an ancient land. When you look at these temples from a distance, you feel completely struck with awe at how anyone could have built these structures with their bare hands. They are elaborately decorated from every peak with carvings and all sorts of stone work. Then as you walk inside, it becomes a maze of tunnels, stairs and entry ways... I loved getting lost and sitting down to just breathe in the history that was surrounding me. I tried to imagine what it would be like to live during that time, and I'm convinced I would have been one of the traditional Khemer dancers, preforming for the king's court! Not a bad gig I'm sure! Despite all the tourists visiting this famous sight, there was such a peaceful presence in the air. Maybe it's because it's so big and everyone was spread out over the massive grounds visiting difference temples, but I feel like when you are in a place with that much histroy, it definitely commands a deep respect. I visited Angkor Wat twice - on the first day to wonder around for hours, and on the second to catch the sun rise... and wow, was that incredible; to watch as the sky exploded with color, eluminating this touring structure. I felt like nature and man were intertwined in a beautiful dance, and that I was intruding by sitting back and watching it take shape. Another temple that struck me was one called Ta Prom and it has been completely untouched or renovated from the time it was built in the 12th century. It was incredible to see how nature had decided to take back it's land, as gigantic trees stepped over the temple to continue their growth on the roof and walls. Roots that themselves were bigger than most trees, seemed to passionately hug the entire temple, as if they were also proud of the history that once took place there. I am such a nature lover that I must admit, I was more blown away by these wise old trees than the temple itself.
Ok, I could go on and on for days about everything I saw at Siem Reap but I think the best thing is to hear it from me in person when I come home next week! I can't believe it's almost time to bring this journey to a close, really it's gone by so fast. I have a few days left with the children at the orphanage then it's off I go! I'm really looking forward to seeing you all and/or hearing your voices over the phone very soon!
Sending all my love
April
The next morning I caught an early bus to take the 6 hour trek through the country side towards Seim Reap, to visit the amazing ancient city Angkor with all it's incredible temples. During the 12th century, the Khemer empire was the most powerful in all of southeast Asia, and ruled a majority of the land for centuries. The king at this time made his people build many enormous temples, taking year to complete years to complete, in order to honor the spiritual gods, Hindu mythological deities as well as the Buddha. The most famous one built is called Angkor Wat and is by far the largest temple in the entire world. It has survived many civil wars as well as international disputes, and still stands tall in it's incredible magnificence. This is definitely a pride of Cambodian history because of it's deep connection to their roots. Up until this point in my trip, I had been so intensely focused on the genocide that had taken place here only 30 years ago, that I really could not see that there was so much other beautiful history to discover. I spent two full days riding a bike around the huge Angkor national park gazing at all the ancient trees and man made wonders, and yet I feel like I only scratched the surface of it's intense beauty. I'm not sure how to describe what the temples look like (I'll be sure to show you pictures when I get home) but here is my best attempt.
Although I was a hot and sweaty tourist walking around aimlessly under the almost unbearable heat, my surroundings made me feel like a princess from an ancient land. When you look at these temples from a distance, you feel completely struck with awe at how anyone could have built these structures with their bare hands. They are elaborately decorated from every peak with carvings and all sorts of stone work. Then as you walk inside, it becomes a maze of tunnels, stairs and entry ways... I loved getting lost and sitting down to just breathe in the history that was surrounding me. I tried to imagine what it would be like to live during that time, and I'm convinced I would have been one of the traditional Khemer dancers, preforming for the king's court! Not a bad gig I'm sure! Despite all the tourists visiting this famous sight, there was such a peaceful presence in the air. Maybe it's because it's so big and everyone was spread out over the massive grounds visiting difference temples, but I feel like when you are in a place with that much histroy, it definitely commands a deep respect. I visited Angkor Wat twice - on the first day to wonder around for hours, and on the second to catch the sun rise... and wow, was that incredible; to watch as the sky exploded with color, eluminating this touring structure. I felt like nature and man were intertwined in a beautiful dance, and that I was intruding by sitting back and watching it take shape. Another temple that struck me was one called Ta Prom and it has been completely untouched or renovated from the time it was built in the 12th century. It was incredible to see how nature had decided to take back it's land, as gigantic trees stepped over the temple to continue their growth on the roof and walls. Roots that themselves were bigger than most trees, seemed to passionately hug the entire temple, as if they were also proud of the history that once took place there. I am such a nature lover that I must admit, I was more blown away by these wise old trees than the temple itself.
Ok, I could go on and on for days about everything I saw at Siem Reap but I think the best thing is to hear it from me in person when I come home next week! I can't believe it's almost time to bring this journey to a close, really it's gone by so fast. I have a few days left with the children at the orphanage then it's off I go! I'm really looking forward to seeing you all and/or hearing your voices over the phone very soon!
Sending all my love
April
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Coloring, Dancing, Laughing and Exploring
I am having such a great time with these little children at CCH, I can not even begin to tell you! They are such bright rays of sunshine, and I'm falling in love with them a little more each day. They are sweet, funny, courageous, smart, and loving. And to be around their energy all the time is such a blessing. That's not to say that after a long day I still don't throw myself down on the bed in complete exhaustion... but this tired feeling is always interlaced with a deep and peaceful joy, knowing that my heart has touched theirs. The short time I spend with them is truly rewarding, not because I do anything particularly special, but because we truly enjoy each others company!
This week was filled with lots of play time, which I love! One day we had an entire afternoon devoted towards coloring, where we all sprawled ourselves out on the floor of their playroom/library and got to work with our colored pencils. They are such creative little beings, but they usually don't have the supplies available to support these activities all the time. When I want to do a craft with them, I go to the store before hand and by paper, colored pencils, scissors, ect. I feel like I've turned into Marry Poppins the way I can fit all sorts of surprises inside my bag each day, and the children know to wait in anticipation to see what I will pull out next. String for braiding and knotting jewlery, yarn for cats games, coloring books, treats, nail polish.... It's fun coming up with new and creative ideas to share with the children because they just eat it up! Yesterday I taught them how to make valentine cards using construction paper and a splash of love. I explained that in America this is a day where we tell our friends and family just how much they mean to us and how happy we are to have them in our lives. I told them to save their valentines for Saturday and give them as a gift to one of their friends - they really liked the sound of this! On Wed. of this week the orphanage had a special guest come in who is a key donor from Japan and is responsible for a lot of the funding within CCH. The children were so giddy with excitement at having a guest, that they practiced a special show all afternoon to perform. They prepared a traditional Khemer dance, all the while giggling and bouncing around to add their own charm to the mix. They also gathered together to sing a song that was partnered with hand gestures and sign language. I had such a fun time watching their little performance, and how each one of them lit up the room in their own special way.
Within all the moments of carefree play I tend to forget these children have been through so much at such a young age. Gathered together in such a safe place for self expression allows them to radiate with pure joy and love... but then I am hit with moments of realization that they are tiny little beings with no parents to go home to at the end of the day. I am beginning to learn more of each of their stories and it breaks my heart because I have come to love them so much. Many of their parents have died from HIV- some of the children are carriers, and others have been miraculously spared of inheriting this terrible disease. It's also very common for the children to have been given up because their parents could not afford to take care of them. Or in one case, a little girl named Srey Lis was abandoned on the streets because her parents divorced and neither one wanted to take care of her anymore. I look at this precious child and think who would not want to be around her beautiful presence and just love her all the time? I can not fathom it! One afternoon I was watching all the kids play in the library, when two little girls came to lay in my lap. I had one on each leg and I was playing with their air and softly touching their tiny foreheads, when one looked up at me and said, "Do you have mom and dad?" I told her I did and she responded, ''me no have.'' I felt my body sink into the ground beneath us as I watched her eyes travel off into the distance. I wanted to tell her I would take her home with me, but instead I said, "but look at all these amazing brothers and sisters you have here." This made her smile a bit, but I knew it was not the same. There is so much joy, beauty and playfulness each day at the orphanage, but once in a while I am hit with moments like these that truly make it hard to breathe. Although the energy here is starting to feeling a bit lighter and I'm so grateful for this very moment in my life. Being of service in whatever way I can and just being present to experience the unfolding gift of life with these beautiful little children. It's more than I could ever ask for.
One of my friends that I met in Chaing Mai, Rhiannon, has been in town for a few days and it's been a real treat to have her here. I'm finding that each time a familiar face has dropped in along my journey, I receive a much needed hug from home! She has gone to the orphanage with me the past two days and of course the children love her! This weekend we are taking a trip to Siem Rep which is home to the famous ancient temple Angkor Wat. This is one of the seven wonders of the world and people travel from all over to see this gigantic creation. We will take a bus on Saturday morning and spend a long weekend exploring the country side and millions of temples that are hidden there. I'm looking forward to getting out of the city a bit and being surrounded by some breathtaking nature! Before we leave however, I have been invited to a traditional Khemer wedding tonight, which I'm really excited about! I havn't actually met the bride and groom but I received an invitation with my name beautifuly written on it from the director at CCH. Some of the other volunteers and teachers will be going as well, so I will know a few people there, but mainly I'm excited about experiencing yet another side to this new culture I'm immersed in. I'll be sure to tell you all about it next time I write!
I hope you are all doing really well back home. I love you and miss you so much. I really am having an incredible time, more so than I could have ever imagined. I'm learning so much about the heart ache and incredible beauty of humanity everyday, and it's been truly amazing. But of course all of these new discoveries are only taking me further into my own heart and allowing me to discover more of myself each and every day. It's been quite a journey!
Love and Peace
April
This week was filled with lots of play time, which I love! One day we had an entire afternoon devoted towards coloring, where we all sprawled ourselves out on the floor of their playroom/library and got to work with our colored pencils. They are such creative little beings, but they usually don't have the supplies available to support these activities all the time. When I want to do a craft with them, I go to the store before hand and by paper, colored pencils, scissors, ect. I feel like I've turned into Marry Poppins the way I can fit all sorts of surprises inside my bag each day, and the children know to wait in anticipation to see what I will pull out next. String for braiding and knotting jewlery, yarn for cats games, coloring books, treats, nail polish.... It's fun coming up with new and creative ideas to share with the children because they just eat it up! Yesterday I taught them how to make valentine cards using construction paper and a splash of love. I explained that in America this is a day where we tell our friends and family just how much they mean to us and how happy we are to have them in our lives. I told them to save their valentines for Saturday and give them as a gift to one of their friends - they really liked the sound of this! On Wed. of this week the orphanage had a special guest come in who is a key donor from Japan and is responsible for a lot of the funding within CCH. The children were so giddy with excitement at having a guest, that they practiced a special show all afternoon to perform. They prepared a traditional Khemer dance, all the while giggling and bouncing around to add their own charm to the mix. They also gathered together to sing a song that was partnered with hand gestures and sign language. I had such a fun time watching their little performance, and how each one of them lit up the room in their own special way.
Within all the moments of carefree play I tend to forget these children have been through so much at such a young age. Gathered together in such a safe place for self expression allows them to radiate with pure joy and love... but then I am hit with moments of realization that they are tiny little beings with no parents to go home to at the end of the day. I am beginning to learn more of each of their stories and it breaks my heart because I have come to love them so much. Many of their parents have died from HIV- some of the children are carriers, and others have been miraculously spared of inheriting this terrible disease. It's also very common for the children to have been given up because their parents could not afford to take care of them. Or in one case, a little girl named Srey Lis was abandoned on the streets because her parents divorced and neither one wanted to take care of her anymore. I look at this precious child and think who would not want to be around her beautiful presence and just love her all the time? I can not fathom it! One afternoon I was watching all the kids play in the library, when two little girls came to lay in my lap. I had one on each leg and I was playing with their air and softly touching their tiny foreheads, when one looked up at me and said, "Do you have mom and dad?" I told her I did and she responded, ''me no have.'' I felt my body sink into the ground beneath us as I watched her eyes travel off into the distance. I wanted to tell her I would take her home with me, but instead I said, "but look at all these amazing brothers and sisters you have here." This made her smile a bit, but I knew it was not the same. There is so much joy, beauty and playfulness each day at the orphanage, but once in a while I am hit with moments like these that truly make it hard to breathe. Although the energy here is starting to feeling a bit lighter and I'm so grateful for this very moment in my life. Being of service in whatever way I can and just being present to experience the unfolding gift of life with these beautiful little children. It's more than I could ever ask for.
One of my friends that I met in Chaing Mai, Rhiannon, has been in town for a few days and it's been a real treat to have her here. I'm finding that each time a familiar face has dropped in along my journey, I receive a much needed hug from home! She has gone to the orphanage with me the past two days and of course the children love her! This weekend we are taking a trip to Siem Rep which is home to the famous ancient temple Angkor Wat. This is one of the seven wonders of the world and people travel from all over to see this gigantic creation. We will take a bus on Saturday morning and spend a long weekend exploring the country side and millions of temples that are hidden there. I'm looking forward to getting out of the city a bit and being surrounded by some breathtaking nature! Before we leave however, I have been invited to a traditional Khemer wedding tonight, which I'm really excited about! I havn't actually met the bride and groom but I received an invitation with my name beautifuly written on it from the director at CCH. Some of the other volunteers and teachers will be going as well, so I will know a few people there, but mainly I'm excited about experiencing yet another side to this new culture I'm immersed in. I'll be sure to tell you all about it next time I write!
I hope you are all doing really well back home. I love you and miss you so much. I really am having an incredible time, more so than I could have ever imagined. I'm learning so much about the heart ache and incredible beauty of humanity everyday, and it's been truly amazing. But of course all of these new discoveries are only taking me further into my own heart and allowing me to discover more of myself each and every day. It's been quite a journey!
Love and Peace
April
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Every Little Bit Helps
This past week has truly been a tidal wave of new experiences and emotions. After being in Phnom Penh only seven days, I began to question if my presence here was really making a difference. There is so much violation against human rights and intense poverty everywhere I look, that it can be really overwhelming at times. But I started to realize that this type of thinking was only going to wear me down, making it impossible for me to help at all. I've already fulfilled my purpose in coming to Cambodia, now all I have to do is bring my presence and love into each situation and to every person I meet, and I realize that is more than enough. But it took a few days of seeking out positive change for me to find this perspective!
I decided to dedicated this past week towards finding other organizations and non-profits that are working to make a difference, so I wouldn't feel quiet so alone in this uphill climb. And of course I drew some of the most amazing people into my life! I found a beautiful fair trade shop that sells silk purses and scarves, and it's owned by a woman who became a land mine victim at only twelve years old! During the short time that the Khemer Rouge came into power, land mines where randomly planted all throughout the country. After the party fell, the millions of mines were left scattered everywhere with no map or indications of the danger zones. This has had two devastating impacts on the country; one being that many innocent people have have had their arms and/or legs blown off, something which is still happening throughout the country to this day! The second impact is that so much of the country side can no longer be farmed because people are afraid of setting off explosions. There are some rice paddies and fruit grown closer to the cities, but most everything else is imported in, making food in the stores and at restaurants more expensive than it should be. Although the government is working towards de-mining Cambodia, people who live on the country side (which is a huge percentage of the population) fall prey to this tragedy very frequently! Which brings me back to the little silk store I found with this beautiful woman sitting on the floor without any legs gathering pieces of fabric and greeting me with the most warming smile! I spent the afternoon with her and her husband hearing about their story and all the work they are doing to help other disadvantaged people in their country. They have a workshop where she trains Cambodians how to make the beautiful items they sell in the store, and above all pays them fair wages, as well as houses and feeds each one! They are by no means well off people, but have dedicated all of their spare time and money towards empowering others to provide for themselves rather than begging out on the streets. And paying their workers fairly is a big deal, especially since there are so many sweat shops here. There is one factory just down the street from the orphanage and everyday I watch as a stream of young people ages 14-18 walk down the dusty path at noon to get their lunch at the little market. Of course this was shocking at first glance, but then I realized that these people are considered the lucky ones who have jobs. I heard a statistic the other day that every year 900 students graduate from the main university here in Phnom Penh, and only about 100 of them actually find jobs! Very disheartening...
Ok, but this blog is supposed to be about the uplifting changes that are taking place, not dwelling on the negativity... So let me tell you about another organization I have come across that is helping the inner city youth. It's called Friends International and it's main goal is to get children and youth off of the streets and train them in skills for getting a job. Education is also important, but they realize that these kids need to have the tools and support to make money so they don't go back to begging, stealing, prostitution and working at the trash dump. They are taught all sorts of crafts and have a store where their beautiful work is sold, again at a fair price. I was in the store today and was blown away at how professional and beautiful everything was! I bought a shirt and plan to go back soon to visit there little spa to get my nails done! They also have a restaurant where the children are taught how to cook and serve food. I have been there a few times and the young waiters are so cute and excited, not to mention the food is wonderful! It feels so good to be spending money on such a good cause, knowing that these children are being supported in haveing a really bright future through hands on training.
You really might be shocked at how many children street beggars there are here, at least I know I have been! But the saddest part is, most of the time these children are being exploited by their parents or some adult figure who has forced them into a life of begging because they know people are more likely to give to a homeless child than to an adult. I sat in a park one day watching as lazy fathers and mothers laying under a tree cast their shoeless young children out into the street to beg for money, only so that they could run back to their parents in excitement, handing over the bills as if it were a miraculous achievement. I found myself so angry at these adults who should be fulfililng their role as a provider, rather than exploiting their young children who really should be playing tag and skipping with their friends. I made a decision not to support this unfair behavior by not giving money to begging children on the streets, but each time I'm approached my heart breaks to see the sadness in their eyes. I know it's not their fault and they do not deserve to be punished for their care takers ignorance. A person once told me that it's a common phrase here to say that a Camobodian child is born as an old person because they do not get the luxury of having a carefree upbringing. I don't like this saying one bit, and I think that every child has a right to their innocence. With some helpful suggestions from my mom, I decided to always carry around a package of cookies with me in my bag so I can give it to children on the streets when they approach me. I know it's not the most nutritious treat in the world, but it's something they can't turn around and sell or give to their parents. And while they stop to enjoy the sweet taste of an Oreo cookie, they can be just a kid again for a few minutes! Now I don't leave my guest house without a pack of cookies in my bag, and each time I hand one out I'm rewarded with the most amazing smile I have ever seen. A child is a child no matter where they are born in the world!
So much more to write about but I should stop here, I could go on for days! I'm looking forward to telling you all about it in person when I come home in a few weeks. I love you all and hope you are doing really well!
Love
April
I decided to dedicated this past week towards finding other organizations and non-profits that are working to make a difference, so I wouldn't feel quiet so alone in this uphill climb. And of course I drew some of the most amazing people into my life! I found a beautiful fair trade shop that sells silk purses and scarves, and it's owned by a woman who became a land mine victim at only twelve years old! During the short time that the Khemer Rouge came into power, land mines where randomly planted all throughout the country. After the party fell, the millions of mines were left scattered everywhere with no map or indications of the danger zones. This has had two devastating impacts on the country; one being that many innocent people have have had their arms and/or legs blown off, something which is still happening throughout the country to this day! The second impact is that so much of the country side can no longer be farmed because people are afraid of setting off explosions. There are some rice paddies and fruit grown closer to the cities, but most everything else is imported in, making food in the stores and at restaurants more expensive than it should be. Although the government is working towards de-mining Cambodia, people who live on the country side (which is a huge percentage of the population) fall prey to this tragedy very frequently! Which brings me back to the little silk store I found with this beautiful woman sitting on the floor without any legs gathering pieces of fabric and greeting me with the most warming smile! I spent the afternoon with her and her husband hearing about their story and all the work they are doing to help other disadvantaged people in their country. They have a workshop where she trains Cambodians how to make the beautiful items they sell in the store, and above all pays them fair wages, as well as houses and feeds each one! They are by no means well off people, but have dedicated all of their spare time and money towards empowering others to provide for themselves rather than begging out on the streets. And paying their workers fairly is a big deal, especially since there are so many sweat shops here. There is one factory just down the street from the orphanage and everyday I watch as a stream of young people ages 14-18 walk down the dusty path at noon to get their lunch at the little market. Of course this was shocking at first glance, but then I realized that these people are considered the lucky ones who have jobs. I heard a statistic the other day that every year 900 students graduate from the main university here in Phnom Penh, and only about 100 of them actually find jobs! Very disheartening...
Ok, but this blog is supposed to be about the uplifting changes that are taking place, not dwelling on the negativity... So let me tell you about another organization I have come across that is helping the inner city youth. It's called Friends International and it's main goal is to get children and youth off of the streets and train them in skills for getting a job. Education is also important, but they realize that these kids need to have the tools and support to make money so they don't go back to begging, stealing, prostitution and working at the trash dump. They are taught all sorts of crafts and have a store where their beautiful work is sold, again at a fair price. I was in the store today and was blown away at how professional and beautiful everything was! I bought a shirt and plan to go back soon to visit there little spa to get my nails done! They also have a restaurant where the children are taught how to cook and serve food. I have been there a few times and the young waiters are so cute and excited, not to mention the food is wonderful! It feels so good to be spending money on such a good cause, knowing that these children are being supported in haveing a really bright future through hands on training.
You really might be shocked at how many children street beggars there are here, at least I know I have been! But the saddest part is, most of the time these children are being exploited by their parents or some adult figure who has forced them into a life of begging because they know people are more likely to give to a homeless child than to an adult. I sat in a park one day watching as lazy fathers and mothers laying under a tree cast their shoeless young children out into the street to beg for money, only so that they could run back to their parents in excitement, handing over the bills as if it were a miraculous achievement. I found myself so angry at these adults who should be fulfililng their role as a provider, rather than exploiting their young children who really should be playing tag and skipping with their friends. I made a decision not to support this unfair behavior by not giving money to begging children on the streets, but each time I'm approached my heart breaks to see the sadness in their eyes. I know it's not their fault and they do not deserve to be punished for their care takers ignorance. A person once told me that it's a common phrase here to say that a Camobodian child is born as an old person because they do not get the luxury of having a carefree upbringing. I don't like this saying one bit, and I think that every child has a right to their innocence. With some helpful suggestions from my mom, I decided to always carry around a package of cookies with me in my bag so I can give it to children on the streets when they approach me. I know it's not the most nutritious treat in the world, but it's something they can't turn around and sell or give to their parents. And while they stop to enjoy the sweet taste of an Oreo cookie, they can be just a kid again for a few minutes! Now I don't leave my guest house without a pack of cookies in my bag, and each time I hand one out I'm rewarded with the most amazing smile I have ever seen. A child is a child no matter where they are born in the world!
So much more to write about but I should stop here, I could go on for days! I'm looking forward to telling you all about it in person when I come home in a few weeks. I love you all and hope you are doing really well!
Love
April
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Forever Changed
I feel like my heart breaks open every few minutes and intensly overflows with compassion. This country and the amazing people who live here are making such an imprint on my soul, and I already feel forever changed. There are no words to accurately explain the beautiful hearts of the Cambodian people, or their daily suffering and pain... but I will try, and I hope that through me you can peer through a lens at a different way of life.
The children at the orphanage are all amazing, and I've already fallen in love with each one. Every day I arrive they run to me with open arms screaming "teacher" or "Masa" which in Khemer means April (same as in Thai). I give them as much hugs as possible, before and after class, during play time and after lunch... their is no material possession that they could possibly need more than love and affection. There are over 50 children living under one roof with a few volunteers and working staff (all of which are men), so they live for a nurturing embrace! Besides hugs, my favorite part of the day is sitting with them before lunch and playing games. I feel like I am surrounded by a million siblings or cousins, and our only objective in life is to laugh as much as possible. The other day I brought in a few different colors of nail polish and had such a fun time painting all of the girls finger nails. In the midst of having to hand wash their own clothes and dishes, they enjoy getting the chance to just be little kids! And they love playing with my hair - usually I get a new hair do when I come in each day, and of course I have to leave it in while I teach my classes... I have no idea what it actually looks like, but they love me no matter what kind of hair day I'm having!
After play time and lunch - which is made in the kitchen each day by two lovely women and usually consists of rice, a small portion of vegtables and some sort of protein, like an egg, dried fish or meat substitute - I teach classes from 1:00-4:00 in the afternoon. I have two English classes and one Geography class... after my first day I realized that most of them had no idea where Cambodia was on a map, let alone what their country actually looks like. In a place where so many people are illiterate and uneducated, they are incredibly lucky and grateful to recieve an education. It's fun teaching the classes, although it can be pretty draining as well! I don't even teach a full day, and already I have so much respect and appreciation for all the full time teachers out there who are making such an impact on so many young lives. It just blows me away!
It truly is a blessing that these little children are off of the streets and in a safe place. There is SO much child prostitution and trafficking here in Cambodia, that most homeless orphanes get pulled in at a terribly young age. All of the kids at CCH used to live on the big trash dump at the edge of town called Suen Menchey, digging for scraps of food and collecting recyclable items to sell in hopes of making atleast a dollar a day! Today I went with a group to distribute food at the garbage sight, and it was one of the most heart wrenching experiences I have ever had. More than 500 families have built make shift homes of garbage on top of heaps of filth, most of which are women and children. The dump itself is absolutely huge, stretching farther than the eye can see. Heaps of gray, bleak, steaming filth everywhere, with the heavyest feeling of dispare hanging in the air. The people are all covered in dirt and dressed in stained rags... but these rags are considered a luxury because many of the tiny children run around completely naked. Almost all of the kids have no shoes, and their legs and feet are painfully cut up from walking around on all the sharp objects. Their eyes were filled with a distant sadness and a fierce longing. We gave away 400 loaves of bread, and many box loads of fresh fruit, but what we brought was still not enough. There were so many mouths to feed and my heart screamed out for each one. I've never seen such desperation in my entire life. I have also never really experienced the pains of hunger, yet all these beautiful little children have learned to accept starvation as a way of life. This experience today has changed me in ways I can not describe in words, and I am still trying to understand how to process it hours later. I'm not sure how I can go back to a life abundant with so much, knowing that there are so many living with absolutely nothing. These children will be with me each and every day of my life, reminding me to live mindfully and to take be grateful for every single breath.
If you want to learn more about the orphange I'm volunteering at or see pictures of the children and garbage dump on line, visit http://www.cchcambodia.org/
I love you all so much
April
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Bangkok and Phnom Penh
I arrived in Phnom Penh this morning and it truly is an eye opening place! I want to spend most of this blog writing about my experience today, but first let tell you a bit about my time in Bangkok. I arrived on Chinese New Year so I headed down to China Town to check out the festivities and to be apart of all the exciting energy. It really did feel like I stepped out of Thailand and straight into China. Lots of people, shops packed to the ceiling with too much stuff, carts of festive food, banners and decorations - basically lots of busyness, and I had a great time getting swept away by it all. It was a stark contrast to my experience at a lovely little art gallery earlier in the day, which was also really amazing. I got to talk with each of the artists (in broken Thia/English of course) as they stood around with excitement watching people marvel at their paintings. Asians really have an incredibly artistic talent, and I had a wonderful time taking it all in. The next day I went to the King's palace bright in early hopping to beat the crowd, but I soon realized that would be nearly impossible. There were so many tourists from every corner of the world that the people watching was really a treat in itself. I sat down in a nice shady spot for a while, just enjoying the scene. Oh yeah, and the palace was pretty incredible too! It was surrounded by a huge temple with spires and pagoda's, beautifully decorated in gold and diamonds. It was quiet the sight. Then I went to Wat Po to see the reclining Buddha and receive a massage from the famous school where Thai Massage originated. The golden Buddha was gigantic, laying on his side with feet alone that were taller than a one story building. I have never seen anything like it... actually, I realize I have been saying that a lot the past 5 months! Each time I see something new I am blown away, it's really amazing!
And today was no exception, because I was truly introduced to a new perception of reality when I stepped foot into Cambodia. It's definitely much different than the life that I had gotten comfortable with in Thailand. It is much much poorer here, and most people are focused on where their next meal will come from rather than visiting beautiful temples. When I landed into the tiny international airport at the capital city of Phnom Penh, with only two airplane ramps, I realized that most people do not choose this as a tourist destination, nor do many Cambodian's get the opportunity to venture outside of their country. At that moment I felt overwhelmed with humility at having gotten to travel and see so much of the world. Right away I took a tuk tuk to the CCH orphanage where I will be voluteering for the next month. Traveling on the road, I could only see open fields of dust and some run down shops lined with a few people walking around. I remember thinking "Where are all the people?" It felt intensely deserted, which was a stark reminder that the Khemer Rouge masacure was only 30 years ago! Pol Pot took over in 1975 and ruled for only four short years, but in that time he killed off 1/4 of the entire population. There is definitely a heaviness in the air a distant look in the peoples eyes, like they know of way too much sadness to ever erase the memory from their minds. The majority of the population is around my age all who were born after the Khemer Rouge fell, which leaves a huge gap among the people. There are few elderly people still living, and an overwhelming population of orphaned children. Which brings me to the beautiful CCH.
The orphanage is a bit outside of the Phnom Penh city, and when I arrived I was warmly greeted by two young girls bouncing with excitement to see me. They spoken good English, were excited to learn my name, where I was from and how long I would be staying. One of the girls took my hand with care and showed me around. The main area is painted a bright cheery yellow and the walls are decorated with posters spelling out English, Cambodian and French phrases and words. There are three floors of classrooms and I was surprised to find that they have desks and chalk boards. There is a separate area where the children all sleep, which I have not seen. As a few boys poped their little heads out of the rooms to say wave hello, I learned that their are around 50 children currently living at the orphanage. I will be volunteering each day from 8-4, and I gave the sweet owner (who they call Papa Sokha) a list of things that I would love to teach the children... yoga, English, sewing, jewelery making and cooking. Tomorrow is my first day, so I will let you know how it all goes!
I am staying about 20 minutes from CCH in the main area of Phnom Penh which overlooks the Mekong River. It is much more crowded here in the city, with tuk tuks, motorbikes and the occasional cars. Just like Thailand, there are street markets and vendors selling food (although not nearly as many) and lots of small shops that double as families homes in the evening. I saw a documentary today at a local restaurant on Cambodia's history, before and after the Khemer Rouge, and it's pretty shocking how different the city actually looks from the early 1970's. It was a thriving place with a strong middle class, lots of jobs, beautiful temples, tall buildings and rising tourism. Now it is still very disheveled, with trash strewn everywhere, only a few temples left standing and all of tall buildings have yet to be rebuilt. There are not that many foreigners here, and the few that are gather in one area of the town where the restaurants and bars are, away from the actual life of the city. Since traveling, it has really surprised me that although we crave to visit new places, we would rather do so by observing it from a distance and by surrounding ourselves with the comfort of other tourists. It's as if we are afraid of letting ourselves realize that people living in other countries are just as human as we are, even if they look different and may have less material wealth. No matter what it appears to be the surface, we are all exactly the same. Despite the poverty, everyone I have met so far has been incredibly friendly, going out of their way to help me. The Cambodian's are very sweet people who are deeply routed in the peaceful teachings of the Buddha. Regardless of their recent devistating histroy, they have this incredably gentel presence. Not to mention they all seem overjoyed to hear that I am from the states and will be working at an orphanage for the next month. I spoke with a very kind man today while gazing out to the Mekong River, and he said to me in very clear English, "it is so nice that people from America want to come over here and help the poor people. It is very hard for us here." I had to fight back tears as we spoke, and it made me feel so grateful to be in this very place at this very moment. It's not just me here in Cambodia, it's all of you sitting right next to me!
I love you all dearly
April
And today was no exception, because I was truly introduced to a new perception of reality when I stepped foot into Cambodia. It's definitely much different than the life that I had gotten comfortable with in Thailand. It is much much poorer here, and most people are focused on where their next meal will come from rather than visiting beautiful temples. When I landed into the tiny international airport at the capital city of Phnom Penh, with only two airplane ramps, I realized that most people do not choose this as a tourist destination, nor do many Cambodian's get the opportunity to venture outside of their country. At that moment I felt overwhelmed with humility at having gotten to travel and see so much of the world. Right away I took a tuk tuk to the CCH orphanage where I will be voluteering for the next month. Traveling on the road, I could only see open fields of dust and some run down shops lined with a few people walking around. I remember thinking "Where are all the people?" It felt intensely deserted, which was a stark reminder that the Khemer Rouge masacure was only 30 years ago! Pol Pot took over in 1975 and ruled for only four short years, but in that time he killed off 1/4 of the entire population. There is definitely a heaviness in the air a distant look in the peoples eyes, like they know of way too much sadness to ever erase the memory from their minds. The majority of the population is around my age all who were born after the Khemer Rouge fell, which leaves a huge gap among the people. There are few elderly people still living, and an overwhelming population of orphaned children. Which brings me to the beautiful CCH.
The orphanage is a bit outside of the Phnom Penh city, and when I arrived I was warmly greeted by two young girls bouncing with excitement to see me. They spoken good English, were excited to learn my name, where I was from and how long I would be staying. One of the girls took my hand with care and showed me around. The main area is painted a bright cheery yellow and the walls are decorated with posters spelling out English, Cambodian and French phrases and words. There are three floors of classrooms and I was surprised to find that they have desks and chalk boards. There is a separate area where the children all sleep, which I have not seen. As a few boys poped their little heads out of the rooms to say wave hello, I learned that their are around 50 children currently living at the orphanage. I will be volunteering each day from 8-4, and I gave the sweet owner (who they call Papa Sokha) a list of things that I would love to teach the children... yoga, English, sewing, jewelery making and cooking. Tomorrow is my first day, so I will let you know how it all goes!
I am staying about 20 minutes from CCH in the main area of Phnom Penh which overlooks the Mekong River. It is much more crowded here in the city, with tuk tuks, motorbikes and the occasional cars. Just like Thailand, there are street markets and vendors selling food (although not nearly as many) and lots of small shops that double as families homes in the evening. I saw a documentary today at a local restaurant on Cambodia's history, before and after the Khemer Rouge, and it's pretty shocking how different the city actually looks from the early 1970's. It was a thriving place with a strong middle class, lots of jobs, beautiful temples, tall buildings and rising tourism. Now it is still very disheveled, with trash strewn everywhere, only a few temples left standing and all of tall buildings have yet to be rebuilt. There are not that many foreigners here, and the few that are gather in one area of the town where the restaurants and bars are, away from the actual life of the city. Since traveling, it has really surprised me that although we crave to visit new places, we would rather do so by observing it from a distance and by surrounding ourselves with the comfort of other tourists. It's as if we are afraid of letting ourselves realize that people living in other countries are just as human as we are, even if they look different and may have less material wealth. No matter what it appears to be the surface, we are all exactly the same. Despite the poverty, everyone I have met so far has been incredibly friendly, going out of their way to help me. The Cambodian's are very sweet people who are deeply routed in the peaceful teachings of the Buddha. Regardless of their recent devistating histroy, they have this incredably gentel presence. Not to mention they all seem overjoyed to hear that I am from the states and will be working at an orphanage for the next month. I spoke with a very kind man today while gazing out to the Mekong River, and he said to me in very clear English, "it is so nice that people from America want to come over here and help the poor people. It is very hard for us here." I had to fight back tears as we spoke, and it made me feel so grateful to be in this very place at this very moment. It's not just me here in Cambodia, it's all of you sitting right next to me!
I love you all dearly
April
Thursday, January 22, 2009
One Last Glimpse
Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing really well back home and that you are surrounded by lots of love. I have been thinking so much about you all lately, and really feeling a strong connection with home. Over the past week I've gotten reconnected with some family and friends, which has been such a wonderful breath of fresh air! Not to mention the perfect boost I needed to carry on with this last part of my journey. I'm starting to get really excited about Cambodia and feeling re-inspired to work with the orphaned children. I've learned that I will be teaching yoga and English, as well as showing the little girls how to cook, sew and make jewelry. I think it's going to be a really amazing experience! I leave on Sunday morning for Bangkok and will stay long enough just to visit a few of the sights that I have been wanting to see - the king's palace, Wat Po (the famous temple with a giant reclining Buddha statue), the floating market (yes, all of the vendors actually ride around in little canoes selling their crafts and produce on a river), and the worlds largest China Town. Yep, I think two days will be just enough time. And if any of you have ever been with me to a big city or some place where there is a lot of business, you know I get distracted and overwhelmed pretty easily! So, I'm looking at these next few days as an adventure as well as an adrenaline rush. This will be one of those places where it's nice to visit, but also nice to leave. And don't worry, I promise to be aware and careful the whole time.
So this last week in Chiang Mai has felt like I am just now seeing it for the first time. It's interesting when we live some place how we tend to take it for granted. Like the amazing mountains in Colorado! I realize that when I am back home I am so busy most of the time that when I finally do stop and take in our sky line, it absolutely takes my breath away! That's how it's been the past few days here - I've been walking around breathless most of the time, with eyes wide in amazement! It's been so much fun! So I thought I would write a bit about the people, culture, way of life and environment so you all can get one last glimpse of Thailand before I leave... and before you venture over here yourself one day to see if my description is accurate!
The people are sweet, gentle and soft spoken. They laugh a lot, are always quick to offer a smile or compliment, and go out of their way to give help when needed. One of my favorite parts of the day is walking around all the cute windy side streets (called sois), or strolling past the fresh produce markets and exchanging a smile with everyone I meet. It's not called 'the land of smiles' for nothing! They like to ask where you are going or where you have been, and love to hear the foreigners make an effort at Thai - even though they also love to practice their English any chance they get. It's a laid back way of life here - people like to sleep in (the town is always pretty quiet in the mornings) and then open shops whenever they feel ready. There is defiantly no rush to do anything here, and it's really taught me to slow down, which was much needed! They like to stay up late, eating at the street markets and gathering with friends and family. Food is a huge part of Thai culture, and it's rare to see someone who is not eating, or at least on their way to grab a quick bite. There are food stalls and streets markets everywhere, with the most amazing things to try! Thai's would much rather eat on the side of the street than sit down at a restaurant, because it's such a social part of their day. It's really fun to sit on the side of a busy road at a plastic table eating authentic Thai food surrounded by tons of people, yet not feeling the least bit rushed or overwhelmed. They have a really gentle and relaxed energy, even in what would appear to be the most hectic situations. This is also a country of offerings, because people make daily or weekly visits to the many Buddhist temples to meditate, pray and pay their respects. There are flower markets everywhere, with the most bright colors and beautiful varieties you could ever imagine. In Asian culture, flowers represent personal enlightenment - each one starts out as a tiny seed and then blooms into it's own beautiful expression. Just as each one of us travels through our lives, growing every step of the way and striving towards our greatest potential.
The sky here is so big and usually free of clouds (although in the rainy season it's the exact opposite). The clouds usually trickle in at night making it harder to see the stars, but the moon is always bright and visible from anywhere in the city. The sunsets are incredible, although I still think our Colorado sky is the most beautiful I have ever seen. Right now the mornings are usually the coldest part of the day, warming up by lunch time and cooling off again once it gets dark. There is so much greenery, flowers, bamboo and tall trees everywhere that it's hard to believe I'm actually living in a city! People love to plant flowers, usually over-pouring entire restaurants and guest houses with tropical potted varieties. There are cats and dogs roaming around the streets because the Thai's don't really like to keep animals as pets, thinking that it restricts their freedom... although ironically, they really like to dress up tiny tea cup dogs like babies in the most wild outfits - it's pretty interesting! Gosh, I could go on and on about the people and culture here forever but instead of writing about it, I think I'd rather leave this internet cafe and go out to experience it! I will have to show you the pictures when I get back, they are worth much more than words!
I love you all and miss you dearly! I will write again once I'm settled into Phenom Penh!
Sending a big hug your way
April
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Less than two weeks away!
I can't believe it's almost time to leave! I feel like I just arrived a little over a month ago. Time really does go by so fast! I've been here about 3 1/2 months, and next Sunday I will pack up my home in Chiang Mai to head into Bangkok for a short two day visit. Right now I am having lots of mixed emotions about leaving... excitement, fear, anticipation, sadness and contentment. It's been really interesting observing how these different feelings ride through me like tidal waves, one rolling right into the next. And it's not that I can do anything to lessen the impact of the water each time it hits the sore line... I just have to breathe, knowing that these emotions are my teachers, and that I'm learning a little more about myself each day. Thailand has become a comforting place to call home these past three months, and now it feels a bit hard to leave. I have found some really beautiful connections here, but I know in my heart that these friendships will stay with me forever... no matter the time or space between. This is the exact same feeling I had when leaving home in September and parting with so many of you - a deep knowing that you would each stay with me throughout the entire journey. And you really have! You've all been weaved into each and every experience, and it's been truly amazing! Now as I leave Thailand, I have faith that this deep connection I've found here will always be within my heart.
Speaking of friends from home, I received the most beautiful gift last week when my friend from Denver, Monica Salazar, arrived here in Chaing Mai. Such a breath of fresh air right from the snowy mountain tops of Colorado! She has been studying public health in Bangkok with her university for the past two weeks, and is now ventured north for the rest of her program. I've been feeling a little disconnected from life and people back home for a while now, so seeing Monica's familiar face was a really grounding feeling. I joined their small group of 9 on a day long adventure up to the famous temple here called Wat Doi Suthep, which sits on top of a mountain overlooking all of Chaing Mai. I visited this Wat (meaning temple in Thai) my first week in town, but it was really nice to come back towards the end of my journey to experience it again with new eyes. I am now more familiar with some of the costumes and traditions, and had a nice time paying respect to Buddha's teachings- both externaly and internaly. Later that day, our group ventured about 30 minutes outside of town to an elephant camp located in the middle of an amazing tropical forest. Elephants are the official animals of Thailand, so they are highly respected and prized here. Sadly, with the rise of tourism most of these beautiful animals have been exploited to make money, leaving almost none left in the wild. During Monica's stay in Bangkok she saw many elephants walking down the busy streets with their trainers on their backs, begging for food and money. Although I had some mixed emotions at the camp seeing their feet tied down in chains, I did feel grateful that they were surround by so many other elephants to play with in a beautiful natural setting, and not to mention the trainers seemed to really love and care for them. We got to feed them bananas and sticks of bamboo, and pet their long rough trunks. I was just amazed at how sweet and gentle these huge animals were, and had the most wonderful time just playing and talking with them. It was a really great experience!
The rest of my time here has been spent through quality time with friends before it's time to leave, and wrapping up all my amazing classes. I taught my final class at the Buddhist University last week, and it felt like a bittersweet good bye. They are all truly wonderful students with such amazingly bright futures! It really was a pleasure to work with them. Oh, and just to let you know, they really enjoyed the people watching activity and seemed to learn a lot about behavior just by observing how people carry themselves. Psychology is around us all the time isn't it? I am also teaching my last few classes at Freedom House, which is really going to be a sad good bye this coming Monday night. I had a break from the school while it closed down for a month long vacation so the founder, Lisa, could fundraise back in the states. Last week was my first class back, and it felt really nice. I remember how overwhelmed I was durring my first night teaching, because I had never worked with English as a second language learners before. I have become so comfortable teaching over the past few months that being with them on Monday night felt more like play time with a bit of learning thrown in between. I've come to realize that's truly the way kids learn best. My time at Freedom House has been so sweet, and was the most amazing preparation for my time in Cambodia. Lastly, this coming week is the end of my teaching yoga at Wild Rose and Namo, which brings this beautiful circle to a close. I've come to truly love the students and community surrounding both of these magical places, and feel absolutely blessed to have gotten the opportunity to offer the gift of yoga inside their doors. It's changed my teaching and personal practice so much, that each day I step onto my yoga mat I feel closer to my truth. This is just one of the gifts I will always carry with me from my time here in Chiang Mai.
Please keep me in your best intentions as I prepare for the last part of my journey, you all have been such amazing support the entire way. Thank you for being in my life, and for keeping me in your heart while I've been exploring this amazing world we live in. It's been incredible!
I also wanted to let you know that pigs grew wings and I finally joined facebook! If some of you reading this do not know what that is, don't worry, I didn't either for the longest time. But if you do, please join me as your friend because I'm still learning how to use it and how to locate people. One of my friends here, Ali, signed me up and gave me a crash course for dummies so I could stay in touch with everyone once I leave. Between blogging and facebooking, I feel like I'm finally starting to join the 21st century... it's an interesting experience!
Love you and miss you all
April
Speaking of friends from home, I received the most beautiful gift last week when my friend from Denver, Monica Salazar, arrived here in Chaing Mai. Such a breath of fresh air right from the snowy mountain tops of Colorado! She has been studying public health in Bangkok with her university for the past two weeks, and is now ventured north for the rest of her program. I've been feeling a little disconnected from life and people back home for a while now, so seeing Monica's familiar face was a really grounding feeling. I joined their small group of 9 on a day long adventure up to the famous temple here called Wat Doi Suthep, which sits on top of a mountain overlooking all of Chaing Mai. I visited this Wat (meaning temple in Thai) my first week in town, but it was really nice to come back towards the end of my journey to experience it again with new eyes. I am now more familiar with some of the costumes and traditions, and had a nice time paying respect to Buddha's teachings- both externaly and internaly. Later that day, our group ventured about 30 minutes outside of town to an elephant camp located in the middle of an amazing tropical forest. Elephants are the official animals of Thailand, so they are highly respected and prized here. Sadly, with the rise of tourism most of these beautiful animals have been exploited to make money, leaving almost none left in the wild. During Monica's stay in Bangkok she saw many elephants walking down the busy streets with their trainers on their backs, begging for food and money. Although I had some mixed emotions at the camp seeing their feet tied down in chains, I did feel grateful that they were surround by so many other elephants to play with in a beautiful natural setting, and not to mention the trainers seemed to really love and care for them. We got to feed them bananas and sticks of bamboo, and pet their long rough trunks. I was just amazed at how sweet and gentle these huge animals were, and had the most wonderful time just playing and talking with them. It was a really great experience!
The rest of my time here has been spent through quality time with friends before it's time to leave, and wrapping up all my amazing classes. I taught my final class at the Buddhist University last week, and it felt like a bittersweet good bye. They are all truly wonderful students with such amazingly bright futures! It really was a pleasure to work with them. Oh, and just to let you know, they really enjoyed the people watching activity and seemed to learn a lot about behavior just by observing how people carry themselves. Psychology is around us all the time isn't it? I am also teaching my last few classes at Freedom House, which is really going to be a sad good bye this coming Monday night. I had a break from the school while it closed down for a month long vacation so the founder, Lisa, could fundraise back in the states. Last week was my first class back, and it felt really nice. I remember how overwhelmed I was durring my first night teaching, because I had never worked with English as a second language learners before. I have become so comfortable teaching over the past few months that being with them on Monday night felt more like play time with a bit of learning thrown in between. I've come to realize that's truly the way kids learn best. My time at Freedom House has been so sweet, and was the most amazing preparation for my time in Cambodia. Lastly, this coming week is the end of my teaching yoga at Wild Rose and Namo, which brings this beautiful circle to a close. I've come to truly love the students and community surrounding both of these magical places, and feel absolutely blessed to have gotten the opportunity to offer the gift of yoga inside their doors. It's changed my teaching and personal practice so much, that each day I step onto my yoga mat I feel closer to my truth. This is just one of the gifts I will always carry with me from my time here in Chiang Mai.
Please keep me in your best intentions as I prepare for the last part of my journey, you all have been such amazing support the entire way. Thank you for being in my life, and for keeping me in your heart while I've been exploring this amazing world we live in. It's been incredible!
I also wanted to let you know that pigs grew wings and I finally joined facebook! If some of you reading this do not know what that is, don't worry, I didn't either for the longest time. But if you do, please join me as your friend because I'm still learning how to use it and how to locate people. One of my friends here, Ali, signed me up and gave me a crash course for dummies so I could stay in touch with everyone once I leave. Between blogging and facebooking, I feel like I'm finally starting to join the 21st century... it's an interesting experience!
Love you and miss you all
April
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Creative Expressions
Today I spent the afternoon researching new material for my psychology class tomorrow, and I'm feeling very inspired! We are going to talk about cycles of sleep and how our unconscious feelings, desires and fears all play a huge role in our dreams. I am having a lot of fun reading up on theories and gaining a greater understanding for what it means to be a human being. Psychology is really just the study of the self, which then leads us to compassion for all walks of life... two things that have really been huge parts of this journey for me. So of course it's been just wonderful exploring this topic with the monks at the Buddhist University, and I'm a bit sad to say that tomorrow is my last class. This past week I met one of my students at his temple because he wanted to give me a Christmas gift in appreciation for teaching their class. We spent the morning sitting outside on the temple grounds, talking like old friends. He gave me the most beautiful scarf and I walked away feeling completely humbled. This entire trip I'm continually amazed at how much people want to share with me, event hough they may have much to give. So many people have opened up their hearts and welcomed me into their amazing world. Each day I continue to see the beauty in all of human life, and it inspires me to live with the intention to spread that same love back to the world.
Speaking of feeling inspired, another side of of my trip that I have been enjoying is exploring my own creativity. I find that back at home I was always so busy, rushing from one task to the next, that I started to leave less and less time to do all the things I enjoy. I believe we are each artists of our own life, and that we have the power to create the most beautiful paintings using whatever colors or techniques we choose. A good way for me to stay in touch with my life's intentions is to stay close to my personal hobbies and interests... other wise I really can't be creative in my daily experience. Writing has been one of the main things that I've come back to, and it's been such a blessing. I used to write kids books when I was young and loved creative writing classes in high school and college... but some where along the way came responsibilities of the world, and I forgot to make room for it in my daily practice. Finding time for it again feels like I have come back home to a child who has been patently waiting at the door with her arms wide open! In addition to writing to all of you beautiful people in my blog once a week, I free style everyday in my journal and have started exploring poetry too, which is so much fun!
Besides writing, I'm also making time for a lot of arts and crafts... knitting scarves and a bit of sewing, but mainly making jewelry. I've found the most beautiful bead shop at one of the markets, and bought myself so many amazing things. Last weekend we had a jewelry making party at one of the studios I teach at, Namo, and it was really nice to share different creative styles and techniques with one another. I'm really taking a lot of Asian style home with me, and it's pretty fun! Last bit of creative expression I've been exploring is singing, and wow has it been a journey! Growing up I always told myself I can dance to music but that I'm challenged when it comes to creating it. Because I had told myself I was horrible so many times, it become my reality... as most of you would agree if you had ever heard my voice. But when I was in India we did so much chanting during our early morning meditations, that I suddenly began to find my voice! It was a different kind of singing from what I was used to, because this came from my heart rather than my head. The first time I heard it, I remember thinking "where the heck did you come from?" but now I realize that fear was just holding me back from authentically expressing myself in a way that was truly from the core of my being. I guess that is what this entire trip has been about. Finding my true self and not being afraid to express it fully. That's what I love about writing in this blog... it's totally just me, no facade and no made up stories. it's been really nice! Ok, back to singing... we have kirtan about every other week at Wild Rose which is an Indian chanting tradition where people come together to sing, play instruments and support one another in our true expression. I really love chanting along with everyone, but until recently I've started singing with a smaller group and that has been fun too. My friend Jo has put together a singing collective where we come together once a week to sing gospel music, and it is such a blast!!! Imagine this... people from every corner of the world sitting in a yoga studio in Thailand harmonizing the soulful sounds of southern gospel music? It's such a blast! We recorded it last night just for fun, and we actually sounded pretty good!
Ok, so enough about me... Long story short, I just want to say I hope you all are giving yourself some time during the busyness of the weeks to explore whatever it is that makes you happy. Something totally carefree and creative that you used to do when you were younger but have forgotten about along the years. Or even something you have always told yourself you could never do or that you couldn't possible be good at. Life is too short to just live by the daily routine. And each day is way too beautiful to not branch out and try something new!
I love you all and miss you so much!
April
Speaking of feeling inspired, another side of of my trip that I have been enjoying is exploring my own creativity. I find that back at home I was always so busy, rushing from one task to the next, that I started to leave less and less time to do all the things I enjoy. I believe we are each artists of our own life, and that we have the power to create the most beautiful paintings using whatever colors or techniques we choose. A good way for me to stay in touch with my life's intentions is to stay close to my personal hobbies and interests... other wise I really can't be creative in my daily experience. Writing has been one of the main things that I've come back to, and it's been such a blessing. I used to write kids books when I was young and loved creative writing classes in high school and college... but some where along the way came responsibilities of the world, and I forgot to make room for it in my daily practice. Finding time for it again feels like I have come back home to a child who has been patently waiting at the door with her arms wide open! In addition to writing to all of you beautiful people in my blog once a week, I free style everyday in my journal and have started exploring poetry too, which is so much fun!
Besides writing, I'm also making time for a lot of arts and crafts... knitting scarves and a bit of sewing, but mainly making jewelry. I've found the most beautiful bead shop at one of the markets, and bought myself so many amazing things. Last weekend we had a jewelry making party at one of the studios I teach at, Namo, and it was really nice to share different creative styles and techniques with one another. I'm really taking a lot of Asian style home with me, and it's pretty fun! Last bit of creative expression I've been exploring is singing, and wow has it been a journey! Growing up I always told myself I can dance to music but that I'm challenged when it comes to creating it. Because I had told myself I was horrible so many times, it become my reality... as most of you would agree if you had ever heard my voice. But when I was in India we did so much chanting during our early morning meditations, that I suddenly began to find my voice! It was a different kind of singing from what I was used to, because this came from my heart rather than my head. The first time I heard it, I remember thinking "where the heck did you come from?" but now I realize that fear was just holding me back from authentically expressing myself in a way that was truly from the core of my being. I guess that is what this entire trip has been about. Finding my true self and not being afraid to express it fully. That's what I love about writing in this blog... it's totally just me, no facade and no made up stories. it's been really nice! Ok, back to singing... we have kirtan about every other week at Wild Rose which is an Indian chanting tradition where people come together to sing, play instruments and support one another in our true expression. I really love chanting along with everyone, but until recently I've started singing with a smaller group and that has been fun too. My friend Jo has put together a singing collective where we come together once a week to sing gospel music, and it is such a blast!!! Imagine this... people from every corner of the world sitting in a yoga studio in Thailand harmonizing the soulful sounds of southern gospel music? It's such a blast! We recorded it last night just for fun, and we actually sounded pretty good!
Ok, so enough about me... Long story short, I just want to say I hope you all are giving yourself some time during the busyness of the weeks to explore whatever it is that makes you happy. Something totally carefree and creative that you used to do when you were younger but have forgotten about along the years. Or even something you have always told yourself you could never do or that you couldn't possible be good at. Life is too short to just live by the daily routine. And each day is way too beautiful to not branch out and try something new!
I love you all and miss you so much!
April
Friday, January 2, 2009
Heading into 2552...
Here in Thailand the year is 2551, and the new year is celebrated around the time of Buddha's enlightenment in mid April. On local calendars and within the country this is the recognized date, but as a part of modernization and the desire keep up with the rapidly changing world, they have introduced our western date onto their calendars as well. So, new years was celebrated here on December 31st, but I think it's really just an excuse to party. The Thai people love their festivals and celebrations, extending holidays for at least a week. Street fairs, markets, parties and live music all begin 3 to 4 days before the actual holiday and usually trickle on for a few days afterwards. Usually it's hard to tell which day the holiday really falls on. Many people travel into the cities or out to the hill tribes to be with their families, so they really like to use the holidays as an extended vacation. I love this way of bringing people together because it creates such a warm and festive feel for many days at a time.
I spent new years eve up at You Sabi organic farm with a few of my friends (the same farm I stayed about a month ago), and it really was the perfect place to bring in 2009... or is it 2552?! We made lots of yummy Italian food (which was a real treat because it's something I have not had since back home) drank some wine and danced the night away. There is a really great community of people living on the farm, so it was nice to welcome in the new year surrounded by so much love. I spent at least an hour before and after midnight looking up at the incredible night sky, watching shooting stars and making my intentions for the year to come. After new years eve, we stayed on the farm a few days longer to enjoy the peaceful and beautiful surroundings. I spent my days reading and writing, doing yoga, taking long walks around the farms, laying by the reservoir, and watching the sunsets. It really felt like the perfect way to bring in 2009... and I must admit, I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing!
So what else is new with me??? Oh, I forgot to share with you a really fun opportunity I've received these past couple of weeks. My friend Joanna teaches humanities to young monks at the Buddhist University, and she went out of town for the holidays so I've gotten to sub her class. I have been teaching an intro to psychology class, and they've really enjoyed it so far. The monks have all moved to Thailand from Burma, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam in order to receive a higher education, because it really isn't possible in their home towns. I have the third year students, so they are only a few years younger than me, but no one seems to mind. The class periods have been two and a half hours long, so at first I was a bit nervous at not having enough material to teach. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that they all speak fluent English and are really great at engaging in deep discussions. They ask amazing questions, challenging even my perception of psychology... which is great, because I think it's important to constantly question our own beliefs. Our first class we spent an hour and a half talking about the self and the ego, which may sound a bit boring to some people, but I find it really interesting. My BA is in psychology, but since I studied at a western university, the approach is pretty different to the way it is viewed here in the east. I am very interested in the mind, body, soul connection- something that these monks explore daily through their meditation practices- so we really do share similar views on psychology. Last class we talked about the universality of emotions, and how they truly are the thread that strings all human beings together. When we feel sad or scared and think we are all alone, that can not be further from the truth, because everyone has felt these same basic feelings at some point in their lives. Emotions bring us together, so they must be experienced fully in order feel compassion for ourselves as well as others in our lives. Their homework for class was to people watch... something they had never heard of before! I had them sit on the temple grounds or out on the street somewhere, without judgment, try to observe what emotions people were feeling as they passed by. Even though we all experience the same basic emotions of fear, sadness, anger, happiness, love and excitment, we all may express them a bit differently, so it's nice to understand how behavior plays into our feelings as well. They all thought this sounded like a very interesting experiment! I'll have to let you know how it plays out!
Love to you all! I hope your new years was spent surrounded by lots of love and joy!
Talk to you soon!
April
I spent new years eve up at You Sabi organic farm with a few of my friends (the same farm I stayed about a month ago), and it really was the perfect place to bring in 2009... or is it 2552?! We made lots of yummy Italian food (which was a real treat because it's something I have not had since back home) drank some wine and danced the night away. There is a really great community of people living on the farm, so it was nice to welcome in the new year surrounded by so much love. I spent at least an hour before and after midnight looking up at the incredible night sky, watching shooting stars and making my intentions for the year to come. After new years eve, we stayed on the farm a few days longer to enjoy the peaceful and beautiful surroundings. I spent my days reading and writing, doing yoga, taking long walks around the farms, laying by the reservoir, and watching the sunsets. It really felt like the perfect way to bring in 2009... and I must admit, I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing!
So what else is new with me??? Oh, I forgot to share with you a really fun opportunity I've received these past couple of weeks. My friend Joanna teaches humanities to young monks at the Buddhist University, and she went out of town for the holidays so I've gotten to sub her class. I have been teaching an intro to psychology class, and they've really enjoyed it so far. The monks have all moved to Thailand from Burma, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam in order to receive a higher education, because it really isn't possible in their home towns. I have the third year students, so they are only a few years younger than me, but no one seems to mind. The class periods have been two and a half hours long, so at first I was a bit nervous at not having enough material to teach. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that they all speak fluent English and are really great at engaging in deep discussions. They ask amazing questions, challenging even my perception of psychology... which is great, because I think it's important to constantly question our own beliefs. Our first class we spent an hour and a half talking about the self and the ego, which may sound a bit boring to some people, but I find it really interesting. My BA is in psychology, but since I studied at a western university, the approach is pretty different to the way it is viewed here in the east. I am very interested in the mind, body, soul connection- something that these monks explore daily through their meditation practices- so we really do share similar views on psychology. Last class we talked about the universality of emotions, and how they truly are the thread that strings all human beings together. When we feel sad or scared and think we are all alone, that can not be further from the truth, because everyone has felt these same basic feelings at some point in their lives. Emotions bring us together, so they must be experienced fully in order feel compassion for ourselves as well as others in our lives. Their homework for class was to people watch... something they had never heard of before! I had them sit on the temple grounds or out on the street somewhere, without judgment, try to observe what emotions people were feeling as they passed by. Even though we all experience the same basic emotions of fear, sadness, anger, happiness, love and excitment, we all may express them a bit differently, so it's nice to understand how behavior plays into our feelings as well. They all thought this sounded like a very interesting experiment! I'll have to let you know how it plays out!
Love to you all! I hope your new years was spent surrounded by lots of love and joy!
Talk to you soon!
April
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