April's Journey

Bittersweet Good-bye

2009-02-23T01:18:00.000-08:00

This past week as been one of tremendous ups and downs, tears and laughter, inspirations and setbacks... with lots of time for reflection and introspection throughout it all. Although it's been hard to say good-bye to all the children at the CCH orphanage, I can honestly say I have never felt more ready and excited to come home! I am missing all my beautiful family and amazing friends, and I'm so looking forward to reconnecting with everyone again. Cambodia has completely shook me to the core - physically, emotionally, spiritually - and I'm not sure how I will share it with you when I return, but I promise to do my best. It has been more difficult than I had ever imagined, yet so much more rewarding than anything I've ever experienced. It showed me the deep suffering and pain of humanity, yet it also shed light on the unbelievable beauty and strength that we all bear within our hearts. My experience here as brought me full circle to the same truth that I started my journey with almost 6 months ago... that we are all exactly the same. No matter how much material wealth we are surround by, or how little we have to eat, or the way we were raised, or the color of our skin - We are all human beings, who desire more than anything to be loved unconditionally and accepted just as we are. We all crave peace, happiness and freedom from suffering; and we hope to find these things in a loving environmet where others are there to support us along the way. We are deeply connected by the same basic fabric of life, and now more than ever before I am completely certian of this truth, because I have lived and breathed it with every inch of my being.

This weekend I traveled to a very remote village with a teacher from CCH to visit an orphanage near his home province, in which he is committed towards helping his people. It was well over two hours outside Phnom Penh, pretty much smack in the middle of the desolate country side. There were over 50 children gathered from all the surrounding villages, who's parents had either died from HIV or were given up because they simply could not afford to take care of them. These little ones were so intimidated by my presence and starred in me in complete wonder throughout my entire stay. I could tell they rarely if ever get visitors, and have probably yet to meet a foreigner in their young lives. Luckily I brought books in Khemer and English to give as gifts, which helped to break the ice a bit... but really my entire visit was a bit overwhelming for them. The way they pined over the books throughout the morning made me realize that they had probably never had any books of their own before. No toys, no shoes, no books, one or two pairs of clothes, no clean drinking water, and barely enough to eat. I met with the director to talk about some fundraising ideas for when I get back home, because donations are something that they desperately need. The cost for food each day is 30 dollars, which feeds 60 mouths, including the teachers, caregivers and cooks. That's 50 cents a day per person, and often even this is too hard to achieve - usually they can only afford to cook the children two meals a day. They do have a make shift class room which sits out in the open air with desks and a black board, but clearly their main focus is on day to day survival and prevention of illness. I met one little boy who had to scoot around on his bottom using his hands because his legs were completely limp and would never be suitable for walking. His parents died of HIV and he has terrible scars all over his body. Most of the very tiny children were running around naked, with bulging bellies inflated from malnutrition. There was definitely a heavyness in the air, and I realized that these children have experienced more pain and suffering than I could possibly imagine. It also made me aware just how lucky the children are at the CCH orphanage, because their basic needs of food, water and shelter are being met through donor support, and not to mention recieving a good education. The heaviness I felt that day was more like a painful crash with the relization that most of the orphans and rural people in Cambodia live under these same conditions. Of course I can not just walk away from something like this once I've been exposed to it, so I plan on creating a food share program for them when I get home. I know you all have supported me so much up until this point and I could not have made this trip without each of you, but my joureny with the orphanaed children of Cambodia does not end when I get one the plane tomorrow... it just can't. If you are interested in helping change the quality of life for many young children, then I will send out more information on how to get involved with helping this rural orphanage once I have something more organized set up... but as always, I have to remind myself to take one step at a time, and the next one is coming home!

My last day at CCH with the children was truly bittersweet, because although we had such a nice time together, it was hard to say good-bye. I have gotten to know each one of their little personalities so well and love them for the shining light they each bring into this world. They were sad to see me go, and gave me little trinkets, drawings and jewelry to remember them by... as if I could forget! It's sad to say, but I can tell they have gotten used to people coming and going out of their lives pretty regularly, and have learned how to build up defense mechanisms to help cope. Such brave little beings, it's truly amazing! My last day I got the opportunity to travel out to a different village on the country side with some of the older children who stay at the sister orphanage called CDCC. It's a program that the youth has put together to help educate rural children about the problems of domestic violence and sexual abuse, child labor and trafficking, and HIV awareness. They select different villages every week and come up with plays that portray different important messages. I got to watch them perform a story about a young girl who was sent into the city by her drunk father to work at a factory so that she could support her family. This type of situation is all to real for young people here in Cambodia, and with the education that these teenagers are receiving in school and through their orphanage they are becoming aware that it just isn't right. I was blown away to watch them bring such a powerful message to other young children who are far less privileged than they are in terms of donor support, education and social awareness. The children at CCH and CDCC are incredibly grateful for the opportunity be living in a safe place with food, love and education; and it blows me away that they are so committed towards giving back to their community and the majority of orphanaed children in this country who do not have those privileges. I felt profoundly humbled and proud to watch the local Cambodian people working hard to uplift the rest of their country. The director of the program said to me "I am happy when my people are happy, but I know I can not do it alone. Change only happens when we all work together." What a great message to take home with me, and a comforting reminder that profound shifts are taking place in this amazing country every moment.

Good-bye Cambodia, and hello Colorado.
Love and peace to you all
April

Khemer Culture

2009-02-17T03:15:00.000-08:00

The past few days I've really gotten a taste of some of the authentic Cambodian customs and traditions, and as always, I feel like I've learned a lot! First, I went to a wedding on Friday night which was the sister of the director at CCH, whom I have never met before.... most of the staff at the orphanage was invited so I was more than thrilled to attend. However the reassuring feeling of knowing a few familiar faces did me no good, because I arrived on time around 6:00 and the rest of the teachers and volunteers didn't get there until well after 7:00. I was the only foreigner in the room, and it would be an understatement to say I received a few curious stares when I entered the party! One because I still speak very little Khemer, and was pretty lost in the way of what to say or how to act, and two because I was frighteningly undressed! All the women wore brightly colored dresses with sequences and rhinestones, while their hair was elaborately done in up-do's that would put my prom pictures to shame. They wore the most heavy make up, with stark white powdered faces - it's very in style here in Asia to appear to have pale skin. I on the other hand, was proud of myself for going out of the way to ask my friend to borrow some eye liner and eye shadow, which is more make up than I have worn in months! So ok, that was strike one, but I figured I had the whole night ahead of me to feel awkward, why stop with the entrance! I was seated a large table with a few boys who were attending the university here in town so they spoke a bit of English, but the gender roles are so intensely traditional here that they were too nervous to talk to me, and giggled anxiously throughout all of dinner... I felt like I was back in junior high. It was pretty amusing! Dinner was served on a round lazy Susan in the center of the table, and it seems that someone was playing a rude trick on everyone by making us use chop sticks to reach accross the table and pluck food up from the patters, and then carefully bring it back into our little individual bowls... each time we wanted to take one bite. I must say, I feel that I'm pretty comfortable with chop sticks, but not when forced to carry food a long distance and especially not when dozens of eyes are focued in my direction for diner time entertainment. I was doing pretty well until I spotted a plate of cashews (many of you might know that nuts are my weakness) and went for a little handful using my fingers. I felt some awkward stares, but by now I was feeling pretty used to it, so I opted to shrug it off. A bit later I noticed some of the men at my table using their chop sticks to individually pluck up the cashews one my one like pieces of sushi and drop them down their throats. Sorry, there is no way you can get me to eat nuts with chop sticks... so I stayed away from the cashew plate the rest of the evening. Ok, so everything began to get a bit less uncomfortable after dinner once people had had a few drinks... just like any wedding I suppose. Dancing begin, and of course I couldn't say no to the dance floor. By this time the CCH staff had arrived, and one of the other volunteers from Canada and I got talked into learning traditional Khemer dance. It was really fun and easy to pick up (although I'm not sure how Dan felt) and engaging in this traditional custom definitely helped to break the ice. I decided to stay on the dance floor for the rest of the night (since that seems to be where I felt the most comfortable) and made many friends... although the best part was, I still don't speak very much Khemer and no one around me spoke any English. With the music playing, our bodies swaying, and laughter guiding the way, I was amazed how dance had the power to bring us together. I was suddenly reminded that despite the customs and cultural differences, we were all just human beings, gathered together to celebrate the universal connection of love. I felt so close with all the beautiful people around me, as if I had known everyone for years! And yet when I said good-bye with the customary bow at the end of the night to the bride and groom, I still wasn't sure how to pronounce their names!

The next morning I caught an early bus to take the 6 hour trek through the country side towards Seim Reap, to visit the amazing ancient city Angkor with all it's incredible temples. During the 12th century, the Khemer empire was the most powerful in all of southeast Asia, and ruled a majority of the land for centuries. The king at this time made his people build many enormous temples, taking year to complete years to complete, in order to honor the spiritual gods, Hindu mythological deities as well as the Buddha. The most famous one built is called Angkor Wat and is by far the largest temple in the entire world. It has survived many civil wars as well as international disputes, and still stands tall in it's incredible magnificence. This is definitely a pride of Cambodian history because of it's deep connection to their roots. Up until this point in my trip, I had been so intensely focused on the genocide that had taken place here only 30 years ago, that I really could not see that there was so much other beautiful history to discover. I spent two full days riding a bike around the huge Angkor national park gazing at all the ancient trees and man made wonders, and yet I feel like I only scratched the surface of it's intense beauty. I'm not sure how to describe what the temples look like (I'll be sure to show you pictures when I get home) but here is my best attempt.

Although I was a hot and sweaty tourist walking around aimlessly under the almost unbearable heat, my surroundings made me feel like a princess from an ancient land. When you look at these temples from a distance, you feel completely struck with awe at how anyone could have built these structures with their bare hands. They are elaborately decorated from every peak with carvings and all sorts of stone work. Then as you walk inside, it becomes a maze of tunnels, stairs and entry ways... I loved getting lost and sitting down to just breathe in the history that was surrounding me. I tried to imagine what it would be like to live during that time, and I'm convinced I would have been one of the traditional Khemer dancers, preforming for the king's court! Not a bad gig I'm sure! Despite all the tourists visiting this famous sight, there was such a peaceful presence in the air. Maybe it's because it's so big and everyone was spread out over the massive grounds visiting difference temples, but I feel like when you are in a place with that much histroy, it definitely commands a deep respect. I visited Angkor Wat twice - on the first day to wonder around for hours, and on the second to catch the sun rise... and wow, was that incredible; to watch as the sky exploded with color, eluminating this touring structure. I felt like nature and man were intertwined in a beautiful dance, and that I was intruding by sitting back and watching it take shape. Another temple that struck me was one called Ta Prom and it has been completely untouched or renovated from the time it was built in the 12th century. It was incredible to see how nature had decided to take back it's land, as gigantic trees stepped over the temple to continue their growth on the roof and walls. Roots that themselves were bigger than most trees, seemed to passionately hug the entire temple, as if they were also proud of the history that once took place there. I am such a nature lover that I must admit, I was more blown away by these wise old trees than the temple itself.

Ok, I could go on and on for days about everything I saw at Siem Reap but I think the best thing is to hear it from me in person when I come home next week! I can't believe it's almost time to bring this journey to a close, really it's gone by so fast. I have a few days left with the children at the orphanage then it's off I go! I'm really looking forward to seeing you all and/or hearing your voices over the phone very soon!

Sending all my love
April

Coloring, Dancing, Laughing and Exploring

2009-02-12T17:45:00.000-08:00

I am having such a great time with these little children at CCH, I can not even begin to tell you! They are such bright rays of sunshine, and I'm falling in love with them a little more each day. They are sweet, funny, courageous, smart, and loving. And to be around their energy all the time is such a blessing. That's not to say that after a long day I still don't throw myself down on the bed in complete exhaustion... but this tired feeling is always interlaced with a deep and peaceful joy, knowing that my heart has touched theirs. The short time I spend with them is truly rewarding, not because I do anything particularly special, but because we truly enjoy each others company!

This week was filled with lots of play time, which I love! One day we had an entire afternoon devoted towards coloring, where we all sprawled ourselves out on the floor of their playroom/library and got to work with our colored pencils. They are such creative little beings, but they usually don't have the supplies available to support these activities all the time. When I want to do a craft with them, I go to the store before hand and by paper, colored pencils, scissors, ect. I feel like I've turned into Marry Poppins the way I can fit all sorts of surprises inside my bag each day, and the children know to wait in anticipation to see what I will pull out next. String for braiding and knotting jewlery, yarn for cats games, coloring books, treats, nail polish.... It's fun coming up with new and creative ideas to share with the children because they just eat it up! Yesterday I taught them how to make valentine cards using construction paper and a splash of love. I explained that in America this is a day where we tell our friends and family just how much they mean to us and how happy we are to have them in our lives. I told them to save their valentines for Saturday and give them as a gift to one of their friends - they really liked the sound of this! On Wed. of this week the orphanage had a special guest come in who is a key donor from Japan and is responsible for a lot of the funding within CCH. The children were so giddy with excitement at having a guest, that they practiced a special show all afternoon to perform. They prepared a traditional Khemer dance, all the while giggling and bouncing around to add their own charm to the mix. They also gathered together to sing a song that was partnered with hand gestures and sign language. I had such a fun time watching their little performance, and how each one of them lit up the room in their own special way.

Within all the moments of carefree play I tend to forget these children have been through so much at such a young age. Gathered together in such a safe place for self expression allows them to radiate with pure joy and love... but then I am hit with moments of realization that they are tiny little beings with no parents to go home to at the end of the day. I am beginning to learn more of each of their stories and it breaks my heart because I have come to love them so much. Many of their parents have died from HIV- some of the children are carriers, and others have been miraculously spared of inheriting this terrible disease. It's also very common for the children to have been given up because their parents could not afford to take care of them. Or in one case, a little girl named Srey Lis was abandoned on the streets because her parents divorced and neither one wanted to take care of her anymore. I look at this precious child and think who would not want to be around her beautiful presence and just love her all the time? I can not fathom it! One afternoon I was watching all the kids play in the library, when two little girls came to lay in my lap. I had one on each leg and I was playing with their air and softly touching their tiny foreheads, when one looked up at me and said, "Do you have mom and dad?" I told her I did and she responded, ''me no have.'' I felt my body sink into the ground beneath us as I watched her eyes travel off into the distance. I wanted to tell her I would take her home with me, but instead I said, "but look at all these amazing brothers and sisters you have here." This made her smile a bit, but I knew it was not the same. There is so much joy, beauty and playfulness each day at the orphanage, but once in a while I am hit with moments like these that truly make it hard to breathe. Although the energy here is starting to feeling a bit lighter and I'm so grateful for this very moment in my life. Being of service in whatever way I can and just being present to experience the unfolding gift of life with these beautiful little children. It's more than I could ever ask for.

One of my friends that I met in Chaing Mai, Rhiannon, has been in town for a few days and it's been a real treat to have her here. I'm finding that each time a familiar face has dropped in along my journey, I receive a much needed hug from home! She has gone to the orphanage with me the past two days and of course the children love her! This weekend we are taking a trip to Siem Rep which is home to the famous ancient temple Angkor Wat. This is one of the seven wonders of the world and people travel from all over to see this gigantic creation. We will take a bus on Saturday morning and spend a long weekend exploring the country side and millions of temples that are hidden there. I'm looking forward to getting out of the city a bit and being surrounded by some breathtaking nature! Before we leave however, I have been invited to a traditional Khemer wedding tonight, which I'm really excited about! I havn't actually met the bride and groom but I received an invitation with my name beautifuly written on it from the director at CCH. Some of the other volunteers and teachers will be going as well, so I will know a few people there, but mainly I'm excited about experiencing yet another side to this new culture I'm immersed in. I'll be sure to tell you all about it next time I write!

I hope you are all doing really well back home. I love you and miss you so much. I really am having an incredible time, more so than I could have ever imagined. I'm learning so much about the heart ache and incredible beauty of humanity everyday, and it's been truly amazing. But of course all of these new discoveries are only taking me further into my own heart and allowing me to discover more of myself each and every day. It's been quite a journey!

Love and Peace
April

Every Little Bit Helps

2009-02-08T02:25:00.000-08:00

This past week has truly been a tidal wave of new experiences and emotions. After being in Phnom Penh only seven days, I began to question if my presence here was really making a difference. There is so much violation against human rights and intense poverty everywhere I look, that it can be really overwhelming at times. But I started to realize that this type of thinking was only going to wear me down, making it impossible for me to help at all. I've already fulfilled my purpose in coming to Cambodia, now all I have to do is bring my presence and love into each situation and to every person I meet, and I realize that is more than enough. But it took a few days of seeking out positive change for me to find this perspective!

I decided to dedicated this past week towards finding other organizations and non-profits that are working to make a difference, so I wouldn't feel quiet so alone in this uphill climb. And of course I drew some of the most amazing people into my life! I found a beautiful fair trade shop that sells silk purses and scarves, and it's owned by a woman who became a land mine victim at only twelve years old! During the short time that the Khemer Rouge came into power, land mines where randomly planted all throughout the country. After the party fell, the millions of mines were left scattered everywhere with no map or indications of the danger zones. This has had two devastating impacts on the country; one being that many innocent people have have had their arms and/or legs blown off, something which is still happening throughout the country to this day! The second impact is that so much of the country side can no longer be farmed because people are afraid of setting off explosions. There are some rice paddies and fruit grown closer to the cities, but most everything else is imported in, making food in the stores and at restaurants more expensive than it should be. Although the government is working towards de-mining Cambodia, people who live on the country side (which is a huge percentage of the population) fall prey to this tragedy very frequently! Which brings me back to the little silk store I found with this beautiful woman sitting on the floor without any legs gathering pieces of fabric and greeting me with the most warming smile! I spent the afternoon with her and her husband hearing about their story and all the work they are doing to help other disadvantaged people in their country. They have a workshop where she trains Cambodians how to make the beautiful items they sell in the store, and above all pays them fair wages, as well as houses and feeds each one! They are by no means well off people, but have dedicated all of their spare time and money towards empowering others to provide for themselves rather than begging out on the streets. And paying their workers fairly is a big deal, especially since there are so many sweat shops here. There is one factory just down the street from the orphanage and everyday I watch as a stream of young people ages 14-18 walk down the dusty path at noon to get their lunch at the little market. Of course this was shocking at first glance, but then I realized that these people are considered the lucky ones who have jobs. I heard a statistic the other day that every year 900 students graduate from the main university here in Phnom Penh, and only about 100 of them actually find jobs! Very disheartening...

Ok, but this blog is supposed to be about the uplifting changes that are taking place, not dwelling on the negativity... So let me tell you about another organization I have come across that is helping the inner city youth. It's called Friends International and it's main goal is to get children and youth off of the streets and train them in skills for getting a job. Education is also important, but they realize that these kids need to have the tools and support to make money so they don't go back to begging, stealing, prostitution and working at the trash dump. They are taught all sorts of crafts and have a store where their beautiful work is sold, again at a fair price. I was in the store today and was blown away at how professional and beautiful everything was! I bought a shirt and plan to go back soon to visit there little spa to get my nails done! They also have a restaurant where the children are taught how to cook and serve food. I have been there a few times and the young waiters are so cute and excited, not to mention the food is wonderful! It feels so good to be spending money on such a good cause, knowing that these children are being supported in haveing a really bright future through hands on training.

You really might be shocked at how many children street beggars there are here, at least I know I have been! But the saddest part is, most of the time these children are being exploited by their parents or some adult figure who has forced them into a life of begging because they know people are more likely to give to a homeless child than to an adult. I sat in a park one day watching as lazy fathers and mothers laying under a tree cast their shoeless young children out into the street to beg for money, only so that they could run back to their parents in excitement, handing over the bills as if it were a miraculous achievement. I found myself so angry at these adults who should be fulfililng their role as a provider, rather than exploiting their young children who really should be playing tag and skipping with their friends. I made a decision not to support this unfair behavior by not giving money to begging children on the streets, but each time I'm approached my heart breaks to see the sadness in their eyes. I know it's not their fault and they do not deserve to be punished for their care takers ignorance. A person once told me that it's a common phrase here to say that a Camobodian child is born as an old person because they do not get the luxury of having a carefree upbringing. I don't like this saying one bit, and I think that every child has a right to their innocence. With some helpful suggestions from my mom, I decided to always carry around a package of cookies with me in my bag so I can give it to children on the streets when they approach me. I know it's not the most nutritious treat in the world, but it's something they can't turn around and sell or give to their parents. And while they stop to enjoy the sweet taste of an Oreo cookie, they can be just a kid again for a few minutes! Now I don't leave my guest house without a pack of cookies in my bag, and each time I hand one out I'm rewarded with the most amazing smile I have ever seen. A child is a child no matter where they are born in the world!

So much more to write about but I should stop here, I could go on for days! I'm looking forward to telling you all about it in person when I come home in a few weeks. I love you all and hope you are doing really well!
Love
April

Forever Changed

2009-02-01T03:06:00.000-08:00

I feel like my heart breaks open every few minutes and intensly overflows with compassion. This country and the amazing people who live here are making such an imprint on my soul, and I already feel forever changed. There are no words to accurately explain the beautiful hearts of the Cambodian people, or their daily suffering and pain... but I will try, and I hope that through me you can peer through a lens at a different way of life.

The children at the orphanage are all amazing, and I've already fallen in love with each one. Every day I arrive they run to me with open arms screaming "teacher" or "Masa" which in Khemer means April (same as in Thai). I give them as much hugs as possible, before and after class, during play time and after lunch... their is no material possession that they could possibly need more than love and affection. There are over 50 children living under one roof with a few volunteers and working staff (all of which are men), so they live for a nurturing embrace! Besides hugs, my favorite part of the day is sitting with them before lunch and playing games. I feel like I am surrounded by a million siblings or cousins, and our only objective in life is to laugh as much as possible. The other day I brought in a few different colors of nail polish and had such a fun time painting all of the girls finger nails. In the midst of having to hand wash their own clothes and dishes, they enjoy getting the chance to just be little kids! And they love playing with my hair - usually I get a new hair do when I come in each day, and of course I have to leave it in while I teach my classes... I have no idea what it actually looks like, but they love me no matter what kind of hair day I'm having!

After play time and lunch - which is made in the kitchen each day by two lovely women and usually consists of rice, a small portion of vegtables and some sort of protein, like an egg, dried fish or meat substitute - I teach classes from 1:00-4:00 in the afternoon. I have two English classes and one Geography class... after my first day I realized that most of them had no idea where Cambodia was on a map, let alone what their country actually looks like. In a place where so many people are illiterate and uneducated, they are incredibly lucky and grateful to recieve an education. It's fun teaching the classes, although it can be pretty draining as well! I don't even teach a full day, and already I have so much respect and appreciation for all the full time teachers out there who are making such an impact on so many young lives. It just blows me away!

It truly is a blessing that these little children are off of the streets and in a safe place. There is SO much child prostitution and trafficking here in Cambodia, that most homeless orphanes get pulled in at a terribly young age. All of the kids at CCH used to live on the big trash dump at the edge of town called Suen Menchey, digging for scraps of food and collecting recyclable items to sell in hopes of making atleast a dollar a day! Today I went with a group to distribute food at the garbage sight, and it was one of the most heart wrenching experiences I have ever had. More than 500 families have built make shift homes of garbage on top of heaps of filth, most of which are women and children. The dump itself is absolutely huge, stretching farther than the eye can see. Heaps of gray, bleak, steaming filth everywhere, with the heavyest feeling of dispare hanging in the air. The people are all covered in dirt and dressed in stained rags... but these rags are considered a luxury because many of the tiny children run around completely naked. Almost all of the kids have no shoes, and their legs and feet are painfully cut up from walking around on all the sharp objects. Their eyes were filled with a distant sadness and a fierce longing. We gave away 400 loaves of bread, and many box loads of fresh fruit, but what we brought was still not enough. There were so many mouths to feed and my heart screamed out for each one. I've never seen such desperation in my entire life. I have also never really experienced the pains of hunger, yet all these beautiful little children have learned to accept starvation as a way of life. This experience today has changed me in ways I can not describe in words, and I am still trying to understand how to process it hours later. I'm not sure how I can go back to a life abundant with so much, knowing that there are so many living with absolutely nothing. These children will be with me each and every day of my life, reminding me to live mindfully and to take be grateful for every single breath.

If you want to learn more about the orphange I'm volunteering at or see pictures of the children and garbage dump on line, visit http://www.cchcambodia.org/

I love you all so much

April

Bangkok and Phnom Penh

2009-01-27T02:44:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Phnom Penh this morning and it truly is an eye opening place! I want to spend most of this blog writing about my experience today, but first let tell you a bit about my time in Bangkok. I arrived on Chinese New Year so I headed down to China Town to check out the festivities and to be apart of all the exciting energy. It really did feel like I stepped out of Thailand and straight into China. Lots of people, shops packed to the ceiling with too much stuff, carts of festive food, banners and decorations - basically lots of busyness, and I had a great time getting swept away by it all. It was a stark contrast to my experience at a lovely little art gallery earlier in the day, which was also really amazing. I got to talk with each of the artists (in broken Thia/English of course) as they stood around with excitement watching people marvel at their paintings. Asians really have an incredibly artistic talent, and I had a wonderful time taking it all in. The next day I went to the King's palace bright in early hopping to beat the crowd, but I soon realized that would be nearly impossible. There were so many tourists from every corner of the world that the people watching was really a treat in itself. I sat down in a nice shady spot for a while, just enjoying the scene. Oh yeah, and the palace was pretty incredible too! It was surrounded by a huge temple with spires and pagoda's, beautifully decorated in gold and diamonds. It was quiet the sight. Then I went to Wat Po to see the reclining Buddha and receive a massage from the famous school where Thai Massage originated. The golden Buddha was gigantic, laying on his side with feet alone that were taller than a one story building. I have never seen anything like it... actually, I realize I have been saying that a lot the past 5 months! Each time I see something new I am blown away, it's really amazing!

And today was no exception, because I was truly introduced to a new perception of reality when I stepped foot into Cambodia. It's definitely much different than the life that I had gotten comfortable with in Thailand. It is much much poorer here, and most people are focused on where their next meal will come from rather than visiting beautiful temples. When I landed into the tiny international airport at the capital city of Phnom Penh, with only two airplane ramps, I realized that most people do not choose this as a tourist destination, nor do many Cambodian's get the opportunity to venture outside of their country. At that moment I felt overwhelmed with humility at having gotten to travel and see so much of the world. Right away I took a tuk tuk to the CCH orphanage where I will be voluteering for the next month. Traveling on the road, I could only see open fields of dust and some run down shops lined with a few people walking around. I remember thinking "Where are all the people?" It felt intensely deserted, which was a stark reminder that the Khemer Rouge masacure was only 30 years ago! Pol Pot took over in 1975 and ruled for only four short years, but in that time he killed off 1/4 of the entire population. There is definitely a heaviness in the air a distant look in the peoples eyes, like they know of way too much sadness to ever erase the memory from their minds. The majority of the population is around my age all who were born after the Khemer Rouge fell, which leaves a huge gap among the people. There are few elderly people still living, and an overwhelming population of orphaned children. Which brings me to the beautiful CCH.

The orphanage is a bit outside of the Phnom Penh city, and when I arrived I was warmly greeted by two young girls bouncing with excitement to see me. They spoken good English, were excited to learn my name, where I was from and how long I would be staying. One of the girls took my hand with care and showed me around. The main area is painted a bright cheery yellow and the walls are decorated with posters spelling out English, Cambodian and French phrases and words. There are three floors of classrooms and I was surprised to find that they have desks and chalk boards. There is a separate area where the children all sleep, which I have not seen. As a few boys poped their little heads out of the rooms to say wave hello, I learned that their are around 50 children currently living at the orphanage. I will be volunteering each day from 8-4, and I gave the sweet owner (who they call Papa Sokha) a list of things that I would love to teach the children... yoga, English, sewing, jewelery making and cooking. Tomorrow is my first day, so I will let you know how it all goes!

I am staying about 20 minutes from CCH in the main area of Phnom Penh which overlooks the Mekong River. It is much more crowded here in the city, with tuk tuks, motorbikes and the occasional cars. Just like Thailand, there are street markets and vendors selling food (although not nearly as many) and lots of small shops that double as families homes in the evening. I saw a documentary today at a local restaurant on Cambodia's history, before and after the Khemer Rouge, and it's pretty shocking how different the city actually looks from the early 1970's. It was a thriving place with a strong middle class, lots of jobs, beautiful temples, tall buildings and rising tourism. Now it is still very disheveled, with trash strewn everywhere, only a few temples left standing and all of tall buildings have yet to be rebuilt. There are not that many foreigners here, and the few that are gather in one area of the town where the restaurants and bars are, away from the actual life of the city. Since traveling, it has really surprised me that although we crave to visit new places, we would rather do so by observing it from a distance and by surrounding ourselves with the comfort of other tourists. It's as if we are afraid of letting ourselves realize that people living in other countries are just as human as we are, even if they look different and may have less material wealth. No matter what it appears to be the surface, we are all exactly the same. Despite the poverty, everyone I have met so far has been incredibly friendly, going out of their way to help me. The Cambodian's are very sweet people who are deeply routed in the peaceful teachings of the Buddha. Regardless of their recent devistating histroy, they have this incredably gentel presence. Not to mention they all seem overjoyed to hear that I am from the states and will be working at an orphanage for the next month. I spoke with a very kind man today while gazing out to the Mekong River, and he said to me in very clear English, "it is so nice that people from America want to come over here and help the poor people. It is very hard for us here." I had to fight back tears as we spoke, and it made me feel so grateful to be in this very place at this very moment. It's not just me here in Cambodia, it's all of you sitting right next to me!

I love you all dearly
April

One Last Glimpse

2009-01-22T23:24:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing really well back home and that you are surrounded by lots of love. I have been thinking so much about you all lately, and really feeling a strong connection with home. Over the past week I've gotten reconnected with some family and friends, which has been such a wonderful breath of fresh air! Not to mention the perfect boost I needed to carry on with this last part of my journey. I'm starting to get really excited about Cambodia and feeling re-inspired to work with the orphaned children. I've learned that I will be teaching yoga and English, as well as showing the little girls how to cook, sew and make jewelry. I think it's going to be a really amazing experience! I leave on Sunday morning for Bangkok and will stay long enough just to visit a few of the sights that I have been wanting to see - the king's palace, Wat Po (the famous temple with a giant reclining Buddha statue), the floating market (yes, all of the vendors actually ride around in little canoes selling their crafts and produce on a river), and the worlds largest China Town. Yep, I think two days will be just enough time. And if any of you have ever been with me to a big city or some place where there is a lot of business, you know I get distracted and overwhelmed pretty easily! So, I'm looking at these next few days as an adventure as well as an adrenaline rush. This will be one of those places where it's nice to visit, but also nice to leave. And don't worry, I promise to be aware and careful the whole time.

So this last week in Chiang Mai has felt like I am just now seeing it for the first time. It's interesting when we live some place how we tend to take it for granted. Like the amazing mountains in Colorado! I realize that when I am back home I am so busy most of the time that when I finally do stop and take in our sky line, it absolutely takes my breath away! That's how it's been the past few days here - I've been walking around breathless most of the time, with eyes wide in amazement! It's been so much fun! So I thought I would write a bit about the people, culture, way of life and environment so you all can get one last glimpse of Thailand before I leave... and before you venture over here yourself one day to see if my description is accurate!

The people are sweet, gentle and soft spoken. They laugh a lot, are always quick to offer a smile or compliment, and go out of their way to give help when needed. One of my favorite parts of the day is walking around all the cute windy side streets (called sois), or strolling past the fresh produce markets and exchanging a smile with everyone I meet. It's not called 'the land of smiles' for nothing! They like to ask where you are going or where you have been, and love to hear the foreigners make an effort at Thai - even though they also love to practice their English any chance they get. It's a laid back way of life here - people like to sleep in (the town is always pretty quiet in the mornings) and then open shops whenever they feel ready. There is defiantly no rush to do anything here, and it's really taught me to slow down, which was much needed! They like to stay up late, eating at the street markets and gathering with friends and family. Food is a huge part of Thai culture, and it's rare to see someone who is not eating, or at least on their way to grab a quick bite. There are food stalls and streets markets everywhere, with the most amazing things to try! Thai's would much rather eat on the side of the street than sit down at a restaurant, because it's such a social part of their day. It's really fun to sit on the side of a busy road at a plastic table eating authentic Thai food surrounded by tons of people, yet not feeling the least bit rushed or overwhelmed. They have a really gentle and relaxed energy, even in what would appear to be the most hectic situations. This is also a country of offerings, because people make daily or weekly visits to the many Buddhist temples to meditate, pray and pay their respects. There are flower markets everywhere, with the most bright colors and beautiful varieties you could ever imagine. In Asian culture, flowers represent personal enlightenment - each one starts out as a tiny seed and then blooms into it's own beautiful expression. Just as each one of us travels through our lives, growing every step of the way and striving towards our greatest potential.

The sky here is so big and usually free of clouds (although in the rainy season it's the exact opposite). The clouds usually trickle in at night making it harder to see the stars, but the moon is always bright and visible from anywhere in the city. The sunsets are incredible, although I still think our Colorado sky is the most beautiful I have ever seen. Right now the mornings are usually the coldest part of the day, warming up by lunch time and cooling off again once it gets dark. There is so much greenery, flowers, bamboo and tall trees everywhere that it's hard to believe I'm actually living in a city! People love to plant flowers, usually over-pouring entire restaurants and guest houses with tropical potted varieties. There are cats and dogs roaming around the streets because the Thai's don't really like to keep animals as pets, thinking that it restricts their freedom... although ironically, they really like to dress up tiny tea cup dogs like babies in the most wild outfits - it's pretty interesting! Gosh, I could go on and on about the people and culture here forever but instead of writing about it, I think I'd rather leave this internet cafe and go out to experience it! I will have to show you the pictures when I get back, they are worth much more than words!

I love you all and miss you dearly! I will write again once I'm settled into Phenom Penh!

Sending a big hug your way

April

Less than two weeks away!

2009-01-15T02:13:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's almost time to leave! I feel like I just arrived a little over a month ago. Time really does go by so fast! I've been here about 3 1/2 months, and next Sunday I will pack up my home in Chiang Mai to head into Bangkok for a short two day visit. Right now I am having lots of mixed emotions about leaving... excitement, fear, anticipation, sadness and contentment. It's been really interesting observing how these different feelings ride through me like tidal waves, one rolling right into the next. And it's not that I can do anything to lessen the impact of the water each time it hits the sore line... I just have to breathe, knowing that these emotions are my teachers, and that I'm learning a little more about myself each day. Thailand has become a comforting place to call home these past three months, and now it feels a bit hard to leave. I have found some really beautiful connections here, but I know in my heart that these friendships will stay with me forever... no matter the time or space between. This is the exact same feeling I had when leaving home in September and parting with so many of you - a deep knowing that you would each stay with me throughout the entire journey. And you really have! You've all been weaved into each and every experience, and it's been truly amazing! Now as I leave Thailand, I have faith that this deep connection I've found here will always be within my heart.

Speaking of friends from home, I received the most beautiful gift last week when my friend from Denver, Monica Salazar, arrived here in Chaing Mai. Such a breath of fresh air right from the snowy mountain tops of Colorado! She has been studying public health in Bangkok with her university for the past two weeks, and is now ventured north for the rest of her program. I've been feeling a little disconnected from life and people back home for a while now, so seeing Monica's familiar face was a really grounding feeling. I joined their small group of 9 on a day long adventure up to the famous temple here called Wat Doi Suthep, which sits on top of a mountain overlooking all of Chaing Mai. I visited this Wat (meaning temple in Thai) my first week in town, but it was really nice to come back towards the end of my journey to experience it again with new eyes. I am now more familiar with some of the costumes and traditions, and had a nice time paying respect to Buddha's teachings- both externaly and internaly. Later that day, our group ventured about 30 minutes outside of town to an elephant camp located in the middle of an amazing tropical forest. Elephants are the official animals of Thailand, so they are highly respected and prized here. Sadly, with the rise of tourism most of these beautiful animals have been exploited to make money, leaving almost none left in the wild. During Monica's stay in Bangkok she saw many elephants walking down the busy streets with their trainers on their backs, begging for food and money. Although I had some mixed emotions at the camp seeing their feet tied down in chains, I did feel grateful that they were surround by so many other elephants to play with in a beautiful natural setting, and not to mention the trainers seemed to really love and care for them. We got to feed them bananas and sticks of bamboo, and pet their long rough trunks. I was just amazed at how sweet and gentle these huge animals were, and had the most wonderful time just playing and talking with them. It was a really great experience!

The rest of my time here has been spent through quality time with friends before it's time to leave, and wrapping up all my amazing classes. I taught my final class at the Buddhist University last week, and it felt like a bittersweet good bye. They are all truly wonderful students with such amazingly bright futures! It really was a pleasure to work with them. Oh, and just to let you know, they really enjoyed the people watching activity and seemed to learn a lot about behavior just by observing how people carry themselves. Psychology is around us all the time isn't it? I am also teaching my last few classes at Freedom House, which is really going to be a sad good bye this coming Monday night. I had a break from the school while it closed down for a month long vacation so the founder, Lisa, could fundraise back in the states. Last week was my first class back, and it felt really nice. I remember how overwhelmed I was durring my first night teaching, because I had never worked with English as a second language learners before. I have become so comfortable teaching over the past few months that being with them on Monday night felt more like play time with a bit of learning thrown in between. I've come to realize that's truly the way kids learn best. My time at Freedom House has been so sweet, and was the most amazing preparation for my time in Cambodia. Lastly, this coming week is the end of my teaching yoga at Wild Rose and Namo, which brings this beautiful circle to a close. I've come to truly love the students and community surrounding both of these magical places, and feel absolutely blessed to have gotten the opportunity to offer the gift of yoga inside their doors. It's changed my teaching and personal practice so much, that each day I step onto my yoga mat I feel closer to my truth. This is just one of the gifts I will always carry with me from my time here in Chiang Mai.

Please keep me in your best intentions as I prepare for the last part of my journey, you all have been such amazing support the entire way. Thank you for being in my life, and for keeping me in your heart while I've been exploring this amazing world we live in. It's been incredible!

I also wanted to let you know that pigs grew wings and I finally joined facebook! If some of you reading this do not know what that is, don't worry, I didn't either for the longest time. But if you do, please join me as your friend because I'm still learning how to use it and how to locate people. One of my friends here, Ali, signed me up and gave me a crash course for dummies so I could stay in touch with everyone once I leave. Between blogging and facebooking, I feel like I'm finally starting to join the 21st century... it's an interesting experience!

Love you and miss you all
April

Creative Expressions

2009-01-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

Today I spent the afternoon researching new material for my psychology class tomorrow, and I'm feeling very inspired! We are going to talk about cycles of sleep and how our unconscious feelings, desires and fears all play a huge role in our dreams. I am having a lot of fun reading up on theories and gaining a greater understanding for what it means to be a human being. Psychology is really just the study of the self, which then leads us to compassion for all walks of life... two things that have really been huge parts of this journey for me. So of course it's been just wonderful exploring this topic with the monks at the Buddhist University, and I'm a bit sad to say that tomorrow is my last class. This past week I met one of my students at his temple because he wanted to give me a Christmas gift in appreciation for teaching their class. We spent the morning sitting outside on the temple grounds, talking like old friends. He gave me the most beautiful scarf and I walked away feeling completely humbled. This entire trip I'm continually amazed at how much people want to share with me, event hough they may have much to give. So many people have opened up their hearts and welcomed me into their amazing world. Each day I continue to see the beauty in all of human life, and it inspires me to live with the intention to spread that same love back to the world.

Speaking of feeling inspired, another side of of my trip that I have been enjoying is exploring my own creativity. I find that back at home I was always so busy, rushing from one task to the next, that I started to leave less and less time to do all the things I enjoy. I believe we are each artists of our own life, and that we have the power to create the most beautiful paintings using whatever colors or techniques we choose. A good way for me to stay in touch with my life's intentions is to stay close to my personal hobbies and interests... other wise I really can't be creative in my daily experience. Writing has been one of the main things that I've come back to, and it's been such a blessing. I used to write kids books when I was young and loved creative writing classes in high school and college... but some where along the way came responsibilities of the world, and I forgot to make room for it in my daily practice. Finding time for it again feels like I have come back home to a child who has been patently waiting at the door with her arms wide open! In addition to writing to all of you beautiful people in my blog once a week, I free style everyday in my journal and have started exploring poetry too, which is so much fun!

Besides writing, I'm also making time for a lot of arts and crafts... knitting scarves and a bit of sewing, but mainly making jewelry. I've found the most beautiful bead shop at one of the markets, and bought myself so many amazing things. Last weekend we had a jewelry making party at one of the studios I teach at, Namo, and it was really nice to share different creative styles and techniques with one another. I'm really taking a lot of Asian style home with me, and it's pretty fun! Last bit of creative expression I've been exploring is singing, and wow has it been a journey! Growing up I always told myself I can dance to music but that I'm challenged when it comes to creating it. Because I had told myself I was horrible so many times, it become my reality... as most of you would agree if you had ever heard my voice. But when I was in India we did so much chanting during our early morning meditations, that I suddenly began to find my voice! It was a different kind of singing from what I was used to, because this came from my heart rather than my head. The first time I heard it, I remember thinking "where the heck did you come from?" but now I realize that fear was just holding me back from authentically expressing myself in a way that was truly from the core of my being. I guess that is what this entire trip has been about. Finding my true self and not being afraid to express it fully. That's what I love about writing in this blog... it's totally just me, no facade and no made up stories. it's been really nice! Ok, back to singing... we have kirtan about every other week at Wild Rose which is an Indian chanting tradition where people come together to sing, play instruments and support one another in our true expression. I really love chanting along with everyone, but until recently I've started singing with a smaller group and that has been fun too. My friend Jo has put together a singing collective where we come together once a week to sing gospel music, and it is such a blast!!! Imagine this... people from every corner of the world sitting in a yoga studio in Thailand harmonizing the soulful sounds of southern gospel music? It's such a blast! We recorded it last night just for fun, and we actually sounded pretty good!

Ok, so enough about me... Long story short, I just want to say I hope you all are giving yourself some time during the busyness of the weeks to explore whatever it is that makes you happy. Something totally carefree and creative that you used to do when you were younger but have forgotten about along the years. Or even something you have always told yourself you could never do or that you couldn't possible be good at. Life is too short to just live by the daily routine. And each day is way too beautiful to not branch out and try something new!

I love you all and miss you so much!
April

Heading into 2552...

2009-01-02T01:43:00.000-08:00

Here in Thailand the year is 2551, and the new year is celebrated around the time of Buddha's enlightenment in mid April. On local calendars and within the country this is the recognized date, but as a part of modernization and the desire keep up with the rapidly changing world, they have introduced our western date onto their calendars as well. So, new years was celebrated here on December 31st, but I think it's really just an excuse to party. The Thai people love their festivals and celebrations, extending holidays for at least a week. Street fairs, markets, parties and live music all begin 3 to 4 days before the actual holiday and usually trickle on for a few days afterwards. Usually it's hard to tell which day the holiday really falls on. Many people travel into the cities or out to the hill tribes to be with their families, so they really like to use the holidays as an extended vacation. I love this way of bringing people together because it creates such a warm and festive feel for many days at a time.

I spent new years eve up at You Sabi organic farm with a few of my friends (the same farm I stayed about a month ago), and it really was the perfect place to bring in 2009... or is it 2552?! We made lots of yummy Italian food (which was a real treat because it's something I have not had since back home) drank some wine and danced the night away. There is a really great community of people living on the farm, so it was nice to welcome in the new year surrounded by so much love. I spent at least an hour before and after midnight looking up at the incredible night sky, watching shooting stars and making my intentions for the year to come. After new years eve, we stayed on the farm a few days longer to enjoy the peaceful and beautiful surroundings. I spent my days reading and writing, doing yoga, taking long walks around the farms, laying by the reservoir, and watching the sunsets. It really felt like the perfect way to bring in 2009... and I must admit, I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing!

So what else is new with me??? Oh, I forgot to share with you a really fun opportunity I've received these past couple of weeks. My friend Joanna teaches humanities to young monks at the Buddhist University, and she went out of town for the holidays so I've gotten to sub her class. I have been teaching an intro to psychology class, and they've really enjoyed it so far. The monks have all moved to Thailand from Burma, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam in order to receive a higher education, because it really isn't possible in their home towns. I have the third year students, so they are only a few years younger than me, but no one seems to mind. The class periods have been two and a half hours long, so at first I was a bit nervous at not having enough material to teach. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that they all speak fluent English and are really great at engaging in deep discussions. They ask amazing questions, challenging even my perception of psychology... which is great, because I think it's important to constantly question our own beliefs. Our first class we spent an hour and a half talking about the self and the ego, which may sound a bit boring to some people, but I find it really interesting. My BA is in psychology, but since I studied at a western university, the approach is pretty different to the way it is viewed here in the east. I am very interested in the mind, body, soul connection- something that these monks explore daily through their meditation practices- so we really do share similar views on psychology. Last class we talked about the universality of emotions, and how they truly are the thread that strings all human beings together. When we feel sad or scared and think we are all alone, that can not be further from the truth, because everyone has felt these same basic feelings at some point in their lives. Emotions bring us together, so they must be experienced fully in order feel compassion for ourselves as well as others in our lives. Their homework for class was to people watch... something they had never heard of before! I had them sit on the temple grounds or out on the street somewhere, without judgment, try to observe what emotions people were feeling as they passed by. Even though we all experience the same basic emotions of fear, sadness, anger, happiness, love and excitment, we all may express them a bit differently, so it's nice to understand how behavior plays into our feelings as well. They all thought this sounded like a very interesting experiment! I'll have to let you know how it plays out!

Love to you all! I hope your new years was spent surrounded by lots of love and joy!
Talk to you soon!
April

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! I hope you all had a really nice holiday celebration, surrounded by good company and lots of love. This has been my first winter season away from friends and family back home, however I do feel your presence more than ever. The past two days have been filled with lots of beautiful gatherings, yoga and celebration! Although I do miss all of you, I feel so grateful to be in this special place right now in my life.

The weather here has been so hot the past few weeks that it really has not felt like the holiday season. On Christmas I rode my bike around town in a tank top and sipped on a smoothie at brunch while sitting outside under the bright sun - a huge shift from the snow, scarves and hot chocolate that I am used to! Christmas is not celebrated in Thai culture so there was little reminder of the holiday approaching. Although I have seen a few Christmas trees set up at the tourist restaurants and guest houses, as well as some gold jingle bells hanging from a palm tree (it was a pretty funny sight). With all of the decorations, songs and hectic shopping far from Thai culture, I have really enjoyed experienceing a different side to the holiday season. One that has been entirely focused on relaxation and community.

Christmas eve I celebrated in Thai style by having an authentic meal at my friend Rhiannon's house. Her roommate and his friends cooked us a beautiful homemade dinner- coconut curry with shrimp and vegetables, spicy fish and baked squid, freshly steamed root veggies, sticky rice, and coconut treats for desert. We sat crossed legged on the floor, eating with chop sticks and listening to reggae, which is truly a Thai favorite. Although there was no Christmas caroling that night, it was really a treat to gather with all native Thia's to exchange positive intention and energy. My friend Miako shared with us the Asian perspective on this time of year and I found it to be really beautiful, so I want to share it with all of you. Each year the winter solstice takes place on the evening of December 21st, which is followed by three days of complete darkness for many parts of the northern hemisphere. So the 22nd, 23rd, and 24th are considered the darkest days of the entire year. Then on the 25th light floods back into the world and there is intense brightness. In our culture this is represented by the birth of Jesus Christ, but people living here in the east see it as the birth of global consciousness, where each being awakens to the bright light that shines so brightly inside of their own hearts. I really love this this beautiful way of perceiving this time of year!

I received the amazing gift of being able to teach a yoga class both on Christmas eve and Christmas morning, and it was such a special way to start the holiday celebration centered around peace and love. Wonderful people coming together to consciously bring in the beautiful spirit of the season. Since being here in Thailand I have gotten to teach a yoga class on each one of our major holidays, and it really has been the best gift I could ever ask for - sharing love with my students as they reflect that same positive energy back to me. So wonderful! On Christmas day I also got to receive a Thai massage with my two friends Cat and Rhianon at a cute little shop here in town. Cat treated us as a Chirstmas gift, and as I lay there listening to Asian music while having my sore muscles ringed out, I couldn't help but smile... feeling just overwhelemed with happiness and peace. But I guess that is what the holidays are all about, right?!

Christmas evening I went to a party at my friend Jonas' house, who is one of the yoga teachers at Wild Rose from Sweden. There was such a nice community of people that came together to celebrate, and it was so festive. Everyone brought some sort of veggie to throw on the grill and
we sat outside under the stars eating, laughing and singing rock songs on Jonas' guitar. Again, no Christmas carols, but there was still that same beautiful energy of voices coming together to create the sound of union. Although I got a few small gifts from a couple of friends, it really was not the focus of the day, and I know that with the change in the economy back home, many of you may have had a very similar experience. It really was a nice reminder of the true meaning of the holiday season. However, I did receive a big box in the mail about 4 days before Christmas from my wonderful mom that was carefully packed with beautifully wrapped presents. When I opened the box tears of joy and gratitude filled my eyes, partially because it reminded me of home but also because I feel like one of the luckiest people in the entire world. I have such beautiful friends and family that flood my life with unconditional love! What more could I ask for? Each and every day I feel SO grateful for all of you! Just to stay connected to that feeling of appreciation, I opened one of my mom's gifts each day leading up to the 25th... which makes me smile because it combines the beautiful traditions of Hanukkah and Christmas, and not to mention I'm living in a Buddhist country. I just love the diversity of the world that we live in! It's so wonderful!

Peace and Love to you all this holiday season!
April

Being Connected

2008-12-16T23:27:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was really one of fun and laughter. It was two of my good friend's birthdays so we celebrated by dancing for three nights straight! Rhiannon's birthday was Friday night and I got to explore break dancing for the first time, which was really a blast! We went to a club where we were the only forong (non Thia's) present, and not to mention the only people on the dance floor... I'm sure they had no idea what to make of our funny moves! Saturday night we went salsa dancing to celebrate my friend Sibyl's birthday, which was at a beautiful restaurant with a great deck and live music. There was a group of about 20 people from every corner of the world gathered around the same dinner table, all coming together to celebrate and laugh as one. Then on Sunday I got to hear live music again at a jazz bar, where we danced for hours. The musicians were really talented and clearly had studied their American jazz history because sometimes I would close my eyes and it really sounded like Ray Charles singing or on Louis Armstrong on sax. Three culturally diverse nights, with completely different styles of music, and yet there was a commonality running through it all. Music has the incredible capability of bringing people together from all walks of life, allowing us to feel connected by the same basic thread of humanity. Thai, Mexican, African, Italian, American, Canadian... it does not matter, we are all truly the same. Music creates that connection, and it's something we can not just talk about, but rather feel in our hearts. At the jazz bar I was so deeply connected to my Grandpa who passed away last year, feeling his entire being dancing with me and singing along to all of the songs. When I was out with the girls dancing to house music and playing around with break dancing moves, I felt like I was surrounded by all my amazing girlfriends from back home. And as I sat with huge global community listening to beautiful Spanish and English songs, all language barriers were lost and I felt completely surrounded by the loving energy of my friends and family. I love what music and dancing does to my soul, and this entire weekend was a great way for me to come back home to that place inside my own heart.

Now that the stuidos are back in full swing, I have started teaching a lot again. In addition to Wild Rose, I am teaching a few days a week at another studio in town called Namo. The yoga community is so small here that everyone knows each other and the studios support one another, which is really nice. Yoga means union, and just like music it has that power to bring people together as one. As always I am learning and growing as a teacher and student all the time, it's really humbling! Last week was my last class at Freedom House for a while since it is closing for a holiday break. The owner has been in the states for the past two months trying to fundraise for the school and has been having a really hard time. People are feeling financially strapped right now with the holidays and the economic situation, that charitable donations seem to have been put on the back burner for a bit. I am not sure if Freedom House will have the financial stability to stay open, and I just ask that everyone sends out their best intentions and prayers to this amazing organization. It has been an incredibly challenging, rewarding and beautiful experience working with these children. Right now I just hope they can continue to receive an education and feel encouraged to explore the inocense of their childhood.

With all the changes and shifts that are taking place here, I find that I'm thinking about you all back home more than ever. I know that it is a bitter sweet time of year, with immense amounts of fears and suffering, as well as tons of love and beautiful gatherings. My heart goes out for all those who have already or who may risk losing their jobs in our shifting economy. And I'm sending out so much love to all of my friends and family who are experiencing physical or emotional pain right now. It's hard to be across the world when loved ones are hurting back home, when all I really want to do is reach out and help. Right now I know that my role is sending out love and positive intentions, and having faith that you all will feel my heart back home. Since we really are so deeply connected, nothing that we face can be experienced alone. It's the support and love from everyone in the world that helps us through any difficulty. When one person feels pain, it ripples through all of existence. My heart goes out to you all right now back home, and I hope that you can feel all the love I'm sending during this holiday season!

Miss you all!
April

Get Comfortable...

2008-12-09T22:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't gotten a chance to write in almost two weeks because I've been so busy, but no complaints because it's been all good things. I have lots to share, so you may want to sit down and get comfortable because I have a feeling this is going to be a long one!

First I want to tell you about my camping experience a few weekends ago, because it was really amazing! My friend Ali teaches English at the Chiang Mai University, and one of her Thai students organized a trip up to the very north of Thailand and invited us to go along. About 15 people (mainly all Thia's who spoke very little English) piled into a small truck called a saung tao for an eight hour drive into the mountains! Luckily I pulled the motion sickness card and got to sit up front with my friend Dave the entire time, but I know that my karma will come back around for all the people who squished into the back without even complaining.... Thia's really are wonderful people! We drove to Pu Chi Fa National Park which is at the very tip of Thailand on the border of Laos. But the long trip was completely worth it when we finally got out of the car to see the view! We camped out on the top of a mountain that overlooked the Mekong River and this enormous mountain range between the two countries. We watched the sunset from the mountains peak and gazed up into the most incredable starry night sky! The only down side was that it was absolutely freezing, and none of us were prepared at all! I had no idea that tropical Thailand could get so cold at night, and of course the warmest thing I brought was a light jacket. Needless to say we huddled around the camp fire (sadly, no s'mores in Thailand) and cuddled together in our tents to fall asleep! The next morning we drove another hour higher up into the mountains to hike along the side of this cliff that is well know for its incredible view, and don't think I have never seen anything so beautiful! I know we have amazing mountain ranges at home, but I've never gotten to sit on top of one of the peaks and see across the entire stretch of the Rocky Mountains. I had no idea that the mountains here where so enormous, but gazing out across the vastness of the earth was a truly humbling experience. Being with nature really takes me away from myself, and reminds me that I am just a smaller part of a much greater whole. I took pictures to share with you all when I get home, but of course they couldn't truly capture the real beauty!

Last week I took a Thai Yoga Massage course at an international training school here in Chiang Mai called ITM. I had class each day from 9-5, and going from a laid back schedule to these long days was really a big adjustment for me! I learned a lot and really enjoyed the program, but it was definitely a challenge! We started class every morning with either Chi Quong or a yoga practice, which was a really nice way to begin the day. Chi Quong is a type of slow mindful dancing, combined with martial arts and yoga. Of course I really enjoyed it, and I look forward to taking more classes during my stay here. The days were filled with lectures, demonstrations and time to practice the sequencing. Thai Yoga Massage is a beautiful combination of the intentional stretching of yoga and the energetic release of acupressure points. It originated in India thousands of years ago by a man who traveled with the Buddha as his personal physician. In Thai culture, massage is viewed as a deeply healing practice that frees us from physical pain, emotional blockages, and psychological suffering. Through this program I really have come to understand the amazing benefits of using massage as a regular practice towards health and well being. In the western culture, we often rush to get a massage after receiving an injury or illness, or when feeling stressed and close to burn out. But here it is viewed as a type of preventative step towards taking care of our mind, body and soul. Of course this really speaks to me because I am interested in a holistic approach towards overall emotional, physical and spiritual health. Since so many of the techniques are in alignment with yoga postures, I felt really comfortable working with the body and exploring the meditative side of being a massage therapist. I initially took this course to enhance my yoga teaching and also to give a little TLC to friends and family, but now I think massage may be something that I really would like to put into practice. I guess we will see what takes shape when I get back home!

Last thing I want to tell you about was the organic farm that I stayed at this past weekend, which was absolutely amazing! I went with a few friends by motorbike about an hour outside of town to the most beautiful country side, surround by tropical mountains and so much greenery. The farm is called You Sabai Home, (sabai means relax) and we stayed in this amazing tree house build from bamboo and logs! The community that lives there is very conscious about sustaining the environment and use no waste or unnatural products to support themselves. Their homes are hand made from the earth, using mud and clay for bricks, and hay for thatched roofs. Their drinking water is collected from the rain run off, and all electricity is solar powered. Although I did not stay long enough to learn much about farming, I got to help the cook prepare the most amazing meals using organic locally grown ingredients. For breakfast we would have fresh ginger tea and banana sesame smoothies; lunch and dinner would be stir fries with amazing mushrooms, cashew nuts, bamboo shoots and garlic, or huge salads filled with ripe avocado, tomatoes, cucumbers, tastey red flowers, and topped with a squeeze of fresh lime! Oh, and desert was either sliced pumpkin in coconut milk or big chunks of juicy mango. Yea, it was pretty amazing! I feel like I really learned a lot about flavorful fresh cooking, and I'm looking forward to having a kitchen again when I get back home to put some of these recipes into practice. During the day I would spend hours trekking through the mountain trails, or exploring the fields which were lined with so much beautiful fruits and veggies. I taught yoga in the mornings and spent the evenings surrounded by beautiful people all gathered together to enjoy the simple pleasures of reconnecting with the earth. I feel like I tapped into a secret paradise, and plan to go back for a longer stay in January! I think there is so much more I can learn about living off of the land and appreciating the environment that so generously takes care of our every need. Such a beautiful world we live in!

I hope you are all staying warm back home in this winter season! I miss you all and send you a great big hug!

Love
April

Coming Back to Center

2008-11-27T23:19:00.001-08:00

Last night was Thanksgiving and we truly celebrated Thai style! I went out to dinner with a few friends from Canada and the US to this cheesy American diner serving turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and wine, and we had such a great time! The food was really not that good, but the comforting feelings of home that it gave us made the night so perfect! I taught a yoga class earlier in the evening, focusing on gratitude for all the abundance and beauty that we have in our lives. It was a really special evening dedicated towards remembering the simple things that we are so blessed with everyday. Recieving the opportunity to travel the world and see so many new things, when so many people will never leave their villages. Having a roof over our head, food on our plates and clothes to cover our bodies, when so many are starving and without a place to call home. Being able to practice our yoga in a safe and peaceful environment, when many places in the world are stricken with war and turmoil. All of the love, joys, personal strengths, passions, opportunities for growth, relationships, struggles, and uncontrollable laughter that makes life worth living each and every moment! We really are SO blessed to be alive, and to be experiencing this amazing journey called life. Being grateful should be a part of our daily practice, but sometimes it takes the holiday seasons to bring us back home. With all of the political unrest that is happening right now in Thailand, as well as the social, economic and environmental injustices that are taking place all over the world, I find that gratitude can be really grounding and helps to bring me back to my center.

So I want to update you on the situation right now in Thailand, because I know there is a lot going on in the media that may be making you feel worried about me. I am completely ok, and I promise that everything is safe here right now. I actually have not even seen any demonstrations or rioting because it is all taking places at the Bangkok airports, and more recently at the Chanig Mai airport as well. Despite what the media may portray, the intention is a peaceful demonstration directed towards overcoming corruption in the government. Although it's supposed to be a Democratic system, the Thai people do not have much say in the decisions made by their government and they feel that now is the time to speak out before the next Prime Minister is elected. I think that their courage and strength to stand up for what they believe in is really incredible, and I do hope that changes take shape in the government so that the people can feel that their voices make a difference in their country. Demonstrators are sitting on the run ways of both international airports in Bangkok, which is the central hub for flights all around Asia. It began on Tuesday night and people are stranded in all different parts of the world, waiting for the government to take some form of action, and for the airports to reopen. I am actually surprised that it has gone on this long, because this is a vital part of the Thai economy and I feel that the government is really putting the country in jeopardy by not listening to the peoples requests. I know in the media it is being portrayed as a type of terrorist act, but the demonstrators are young educated students and professionals just like me, who are tired of being controlled by a corrupt government. I believe everyone has a right to have their voices heard. As of this morning, the government ordered the police to go in and clear the run ways of all demonstrators, and I just pray that no one else gets hurt! There have already been some casualities, which is far from what the peaceful Thai people want.

Within the past week there has also been a bit of trouble with the yoga studios here in town and with acquiring authentic working visas for the yoga teachers. Most of the studios have closed down for a couple weeks while all of the legal matters are sorted out, so my teaching schedule has really slimmed down. This week I only taught the Thanksgiving class last night which was only offered to the community on a word or mouth basis. We are hoping to have everything reopened within a few weeks, and I have a lot of trust that it will work it's way out exactly the way it is supposed to. This unexpected change has created some extra time for me to explore other areas of Chaing Mai. This weekend I am going camping with some friends, up in the tropical mountains overlooking an amazing canon. I am excited to get away from the city for a bit, do some hiking and to see the clear starry night sky. Next week I am planning on taking a week long Thai Yoga Massage course at one of the local schools here in town. Since a lot of my friends are massage students I have been lucky enough to receive weekly treatments, either on a yoga trade basis or they will often use me as a body to practice on. I know, I know, rough life! I have really been exposed to the deeply healing benifits of massage- physcialy, emotionaly and psychologicaly- and I'm really excited to learn more about it. Touch is a huge part of Asian culture, and I think it's something we really have gotten away from in the west. Although I'm not interested in becoming a massage therapist, I am looking forward to incorporating some of the physical adjustments into my yoga classes, as well as giving my friends and family special loving treatments. Hopefully some of you are interested in letting me practice on you when I get home!

Have a wonderful weekend and I will talk to you again soon
Peace
April

Hello Again!

2008-11-20T21:22:00.000-08:00

I feel like so much as happened since I last wrote, and I'm not quite sure where to start? Well, lets see... this past weekend I went on the most amazing hike up these waterfalls at a near by mountain that sits just outside the city, and it was truly beautiful! It's really tropical here, so it's fun to look at all the different kinds of trees, flowers and insects. There is so much timeless beauty in nature, and I find that I can get completely lost the miracle of it's creation. I was really starting to miss hiking because back home I try to go at least once a week... I'm so spoiled with the Flatirons in Boulder! I'm really happy that I found this trail so now I can go more often. The waterfalls were just beautiful and the trail winded up the mountain for a couple of hours. It was great! This past weekend I also visited one of the most beautiful Buddhist temples I have seen since my stay here. It's called Wat Omoung and it's tucked away in a national forest surrounded by huge bddhi trees and incredible greenery. I am not sure how long ago it was built, but I could really feel its deeply routed history while walking around. It was built underground, blocked by a mossy wall that has three small entrances. The dark passage ways inside are made of fading red brick and winde around through different series of tunnels. As I ventured around in amazement, I felt chills in my spine at knowing that I was walking in the same place that people prayed in secret, probably thousands of years ago when Buddhism was not widely accepted in this part of the world. There were two alters set up in the caves where a golden statue of the Buddha sat in lotus position, and where people would sit to pray or meditate. What was even more fascinating was outside of the temple entrance sat dozens of statues of the Buddha that had been rescued from different parts of Asia from around the 1400's. The statues were incredibly worn torn, with missing limbs or heads, but the beautiful part was that they all evoked the same peaceful image that the modern representation of Buddha provides today.

Apart from visiting new places and experiencing all of the beauty that Chaing Mai has around every corner, I am falling in love more and more with the community of people that I am meeting here. It's amazing how we tend to let our guards down while traveling, especially while traveling alone! I feel like at home I was always a bit guarded when it came to bringing new people in to my life all the time because I always made myself so busy, that there just did not seem to be enough hours in the day. Work, to do lists, traffic jams, etc., are all things that kept me from being open to the wonderful people that surround me at every moment. Here I don't really have those distractions, and most of the other travelers do not either, so all we have is time to connect, and it really has been amazing. I have met some of the most beautiful people, and even though many times it's only just for a few days while they are passing through this cute town, it really is just a blessing to exchange such positive energy and learn something new from each person that I meet. This really is an international community here in Chiang Mai, but of course the more diverse people I meet the more I come back to the same conclusion, which is that we are all exactly the same. We all have so much love in our hearts, and when we can openly allow ourselves to express that, it really is the most beautiful gift you could ever give someone!

This week I attended a series of lectures given by a couple named Tara and Gonga who were living at an ashram in India for the past two years studying with a siddha master named Shri Kalishwar. They are traveling throughout Asia giving workshops on the 5 elements of healing with an intention of reconnecting people to mother earth. They talked about how rapid modernization creates a sense of personal separation from the universe and from each other, and since everything is made up of the 5 elements (fire, air, water, earth and ether) regaining balance within ourselves will help us to also experience balance within the world we live in. With the direction of the global economy, social injustices and our environment spiraling down ward, I think this is something very important to direct our intention towards. Eastern philosophy takes a mind, body, spirit approach towards manafesting positive change within the world, which is something that I support as well. We really can not just isolate the gas prices or the housing market or the mass amount of global starvation, because it isn't getting at the root of the problem. Going back to the Dali Lama's teachings on interconectivity: if everything really is connected in this world, then all of our individual actions directly effect the greater picture. Looking inside and asking "what can I do to help elevate the suffering for the entire world" is a huge question, but I believe that it's the right step towards positive change. I do think that our modern lives have created disconnection from the world 's natural recourse and from the universal energy that we all share. For me the work starts inside, so that I can then take it out into the world and help those around me. I am looking forward to taking the 5 elements healing workshop this weekend, because I think it will help me to create balance within myself so that I can also work towards bringing balance back into our world. So excited!

Hope you are all doing really well! Have a great Thanksgiving week, and I will be sending out my gratitude towards your side of the world on Thursday!
Much Love
April

Loy Krathong

2008-11-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, I am feeling so much better! Thank you all for your encouraging words and love during the past week. I have my health back and I am continuing to be cautious about what I eat, so hopefully this does not happen again. Talk about an incredibly humbling lesson in gratitude! Speaking of feeling grateful, there is a holiday going on right now here in Thailand that celebrates this very idea. It's called Loy Krathong and the festival officially started on Saturday night, finishing tonight (Thursday) with a parade as the grand finale. Let me tell you, the Thai's sure know how to party! They love finding any possible reason to bring people together with music, food, dancing and celebration. It has been a very fun week.

On Saturday night I drove by motor bike with a few friends to a near by town where the start of the festival took place. There were thousands and thousands of people gathered in a huge open field surrounding this beautiful white Buddhist temple. The Thai people make these big white lanterns from paper mache called khom fai, and hold them over a burning flame to create a small hot air balloon that they send off into the sky. As we were approaching the festival, from a distance we saw hundreds of tiny burning lights being lifted up into the night. They looked like yellow stars softly dancing together in the sky, moving with the wind towards some magical destination. We parked the motor bikes and sat for a while to watch this amazing sight, which was followed by bright fire works. We then ventured closer into the big crowd, which at first was incredibly overwhelming because there were so many people that at moments that I couldn't even move. There was food and music everywhere, while people bought their big lanterns to set off into the sky. We were surrounded by burning tiki torches and people throwing fire works into the air. I started to become really nervous- at home this sort of crowded event involving fire and a mob of people could get out of hand really fast. But then I realized that instead of people pushing or elbowing their way towards the entrance, they were walking quietly with the occasional apology for accidentally stepping on your toes. Thai people truly are so gentle and polite, that it felt like I was in a peace mob- if such a thing exists. Once we got closer to the big temple was when my eyes were in for a real treate! As far as I could see there were flaming torches in perfect rows, surrounded by groups of people holding their heated balloons to be released into the night. And in the middle of all the excitement, there was a small golden Buddha brightly lit by the most beautiful white light and surrounded by tiny candles. It's presence casted an even stronger feeling of peace over the entire evening. The meaning behind this festival is letting go, and with each khom fai that is released into the sky, the person lets go of something in their lives that no longer serves them. This makes me think of all the things that we hold on to every day that weigh us down and take away from our ability to experience joy in the present moment- material possessions, relationships, anger, resentment, old habits or patterns. It's as if we are constantly carrying around two big suit cases full of old emotional junk... life becomes so heavy, and it feels like we are treading up stream with both suit cases in our hands. When I walked away from the festival on Saturday night, I felt so much lightness and freedom because along with everyone else that night, I also let go of things that I have probably been holding on to for far too long. It felt great!

The second part of this holiday is about gratitude, and this I got to experience last night with the children and other teachers from The Freedom House. A loy krathong is a tiny floating raft made from a section of a banana tree trunk and elaborately decorated with beautiful flowers, folded banana leaves, candles and incense. I had such a great time making my own loy krathong with the children, feeling so excited to be experiencing this beautiful tradition with so many wonderful people. Since the students at Freedom House are from Burma, and this holiday is only celebrated in Thailand, this was a first for most of us. A few of the Thai teachers taught us how to make our floats, and explained the meaning of placing them into the river. The Thai people believe it is important to show their respect and appreciation to the earth and the water for graciously giving them so much rain during the wet season. I love how they take time to recognize the many gifts that the universe has brought into their lives simply through the blessing of rain. It's a beautiful opportunity to stop and give thanks for things we take for granted every day, much like the upcoming Thanksgiving tradition at home. I had a really nice time with all the kids and teachers, traveling to the river and taking pictures of this festive time. Although only a few people spoke English, I felt surrounded by so much common love and feelings of appreciation. It's amazing how sometimes words can not express the deepest feeling that only the heart knows how to feel!

Many of you have asked about further information for The Freedom House, and how you can help out. The main thing they need is personal donations to keep the electricity going and pay rent for the building. They are graciuosly gifted with school supplies and books all the time from locals here in Thailand. If you would like to learn more, please visit their website: http://www.thaifreedomhouse.org/

I hope you all are surrounded by so much beauty and feelings of gratitude during the upcoming holidays. I love you and miss you very much
April

Health and Happiness

2008-11-04T20:31:00.000-08:00

It's Wednesday morning and I just heard the exciting news of Barack Obama being elected the new president of the United States! Although I am half way around the world, I can feel the excitement you all must be experiencing at home. What an amazing time for our country and for the entire world. This morning before the poles came in, I went to a yoga class dedicated towards positive change. We focused our intentions on stepping away from the past and embracing what is to come. It was a powerful way for the yogi's here in Southeast Asia to be apart of supporting Obama's vision and dedication towards change. It's amazing how the global community recognizes how big of an impact this election has on our lives, not just for the United States, but for the entire world. I also have to admit how happy I am that this election is over... now we can get back towards refocusing our energy on bringing peace to the world. No more Democrats vs Republicans, young vs old, black vs white, United States vs the rest of the world. Hopefully now we can begin to see once again that we are all just human beings, and that is all. In seeing that there really are no differences between us, we can truly begin to work together as one people living on the same earth... an earth that so desperately needs all of our combined efforts to create positive change. Ok, ok, there is my personal view on the duality of politics!

Now it is Friday night, and shortly after I finished the first part of this blog I went back to my apartment to spend the rest of the day in bed, laying in the fetal position... which is now one of my new favorite yoga postures because it's so comforting! I have been having digestive issues for the past week, but was hoping that with healthy eating and lots of positive intentions, it would just pass through. Well, at about 7:00 on Wednesday night I decided that I had had enough of the pain and took myself to the Chiang Mai hospital. When I arrived I had a fever, and was starting to worry that I may have the very common Dengue Fever, which so many of my friends have caught from the mesquitos that live here. After a few tests, an IV and some pain medicine (I'm not sure what child birth is like, but I'm quite positive that after this unbearably painful experience, I will be more than prepared) the doctor decided it would be best that I stayed until my fever went down. Throughout all the discomfort, I do want to share that as soon as my wonderful nurse found out I was an American she came into my room with a huge smile, waving her hand while saying "Yea Obama!" That definitely made me laugh! I stayed two nights at the hospital under the amazing care of sweet nurses and a very attentive doctor. I have a bacterial infection in my large intestine which is commonly caught through contaminated fruits and vegetables as well as poorly prepared street vendor food. I'm not sure if I have been carrying this little pest along since India, or if I caught it here... but either way it's like one of those uninvited guests at a very private dinner party who brings along his wife, and his mother-in-law, then stays well past desert and asks for an extra glass of wine! That is what it feels like! As if he as no intention of leaving, but I am determined to cautiously watch my diet and persuade him that it's not worth hanging around much longer. I have learned that the best way to treat bacteria is to follow a micro biotic diet which was modeled after Japan following the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. The Japanes people's health improved rapidly because they primarily ate miso soup, seawead salads, brown rice and vegetables. So my diet is going to be pretty restricted for a while (at least until the ping pong match and intense bloating in my stomach dies down)... but that's ok because as most of you know, between being a vegetarian and having a gluten intolerance, I am pretty use to being the picky orderer at dinner!

What an experience that was! However, I am grateful for the new found perspective it brought... you know me, always have to find a positive message in everything! I really have never lost all of my strength before, nor been in fear of truly loosing my health. These are things I take for granted all the time. Waking, riding my bike, yoga, even fixing my own meals. Well, my hospital room was on the top floor and it had the most incredible view of the entire city, with the mountains as a backdrop. Apart from one book and a few friendly visitors, I had more than enough time to gaze out the window and watch the amazing sky smiling down on me throughout the day. I saw the sun rise in the morning, and then watched it set at night. I felt so much gratitude for my abundant health and for all that my body allows me to do each and every day. I felt appreciation for all the care and love that surround my life, and that I am able to reflect that love back to those around me. This evening I was sitting in my apartment stretching out my stiff bones from too much laying in the hospital bed, when I suddenly felt called by the universe to go outside and look up at the sky. I found a little hidden ladder and climbed up on the roof of my apartment building (totally safe, I promise) and sat down to watch the most breathtaking work of art I have ever seen. In that moment I felt all the beauty in the world gazing back at me. The sky danced between light blue, pale pink, peach, dark purple and deep blue, fiery red, fushia, bright orange and soft yellow. I saw all the beauty in the world, as well as all the pain and suffering. I saw each one of you, and I want to wish you so much abundant health, and so much peace! More than I can ever say!

I love you dearly

April

Home is in the Heart

2008-10-29T01:10:00.000-07:00

I found myself feeling pretty homesick for the first time this past week. It's not that I haven't gotten a chance to miss you all over the last month and a half, but it's been so exciting traveling around and meeting new people that it hasn't really caught up with me yet. Well now that I've been here in Chaing Mai for almost a month (I can hardly believe it's already been that long) I'm beginning to feel a bit more grounded. I moved into a new apartment yesterday where I will live for the next 3 months- the guest house I was staying at for the past week and a half was really great, but this new place is going to save me a lot of money... only 2,500 bat a month, which is around 80 dollars! I'm sorry, I don't mean to rub it in... I know that our economy is having some troubles back home, and you are all truly in my best intentions right now. However, it does feel a bit abstract to me since day to day living is so inexpensive here. But I do hear people talking about it all the time and hope that positive changes are about to take shape! So, this new apartment is pretty nice and in a cute part of the city, surrounded by lots of great organic restaurants and fun tea shops. I think all this newness I'm experiencing daily really began to catch up with me: having a different place to call "home" every few weeks, meeting so many different people all the time, and trying hard to remember how to find my way around without getting lost. Nothing seems stable... So I started to miss home because of the consistency of being in my comfortable community, knowing where everything is, and being surrounded by so many familiar faces. Not having to wonder where to go to buy a role of toilet paper, or waking up to unfamiliar sounds every morning.

Yesterday I began to read a book called The Heart of Understanding by Thich Nhat Hanh, which of course told me exactly what I needed to hear. He talks about how everything is impermanent and how change is essential for life to happen. He uses the analogy of planting seeds of corn and waiting for the crops to take shape. Change of seasons is needed in order for growth, otherwise receiving vegetables from the earth would not be possible. The same holds true for our emotional and spiritual growth; During times of change is when we truly have the opportunity for transformation. And that is what I am finding right now. Each day I learn something new about myself, each moment I am faced with opportunities for growth. There is no familiar place to run to and really nothing comfortable to occupy my time with, so instead I am faced with whatever comes up... and what I am finding is really amazing.

I am learning the truth behind the Dalhi Lama's teachings of interconnectivity, and how we truly are connected through everything we do. Feeling lonely and uncomfortable in a new place is just an illusion, because in truth home is here with me, and wonderful people are surrounding me at every moment. Only thinking about loneliness creates isolation from all of the abundant love that surrounds us everyday. Realizing this has been pretty powerful, because it allows me to feel at home exactly where I am in each moment. That home is in my heart, and if we all share the same love inside of us, we will always be connected.

Finding a piece of home through teaching the union of yoga to new students everyday, and in the smiling faces of my precious students at the Freedom House. Finding home in the familiar taste of a fresh avocado salad, and in the funky music that's played at my favorite tea shop. Finding home in a smiling face from an old woman as we ride pass each other on our bikes in the morning, and in the green leaves that poor over each towering tree. Finding home in the chilly night air as we enter the "cold" season, and in sitting around a table of new friends sharing food off each others plates like family. Finding home relaxing in a garden while getting lost in a good book, and in watching children play games with rocks and sticks in the hill tribe villages. Finding home on my quiet mediation cushion each morning and also in the busy street markets each night.

Home is in the Heart

Love to you all

April

Sending Love

2008-10-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing really well, where ever you are and whatever you are doing. I have been thinking about you all so much, and want to thank you again for all the wonderful responses and emails you have been sending my way! I feel so much love and support from home, it's just wonderful!

This past week has been another one filled with new experiences and opportunities for growth. I am beginning to truly fall in love with the beauty of Thailand and the wonderful people that live here. This past weekend I rented some motorbikes with a few friends (don't worry I wasn't driving) and took a trip up the mountains just outside of Chaing Mai. The lush trees and tropical forest here is absolutely amazing! Incredibly tall trees with winding vines that map out the entire forest floor, amazing leaves of all shapes and sizes, the most beautiful flowers with bright exotic colors, interesting birds and insects singing their little happy tunes. Needless to say, I love leaving the city on the weekends and getting lost in the mountains! We drove to a hidden hill tribe that is well known in town for growing their own coffee beans. The rows of coffee fields were so beautiful and peaceful, lined with little bungalows where you can rent out and stay the night. Although I really have never acquired the taste for coffee I ordered a cup at their little treetop cafe made from sticks and bamboo branches - it was so strong I only had a few sips! We then hiked up a broken dirt road to a village where all the people live... and what a humbling experience! The homes where made of sticks and bamboo, stretching out across a dirt compound. I think I may have saw more chickens and roosters than I did people. Despite such a small population, there were a good handful of people who had deformities or some sort of mental handicap - one of my friends pointed out that there may be a lot of incest because so few people live there, and not to mention prenatal diseases. Most of the residents that we saw have probably never left their village- there was no carts or motorbikes, and the road that we hiked up was definitely not drivable. We saw some of the most beautiful children swinging from the trees and playing in the dirt with sowrds made from sticks. They were covered head to toe in dust and dirt, yet they were some of the most happy children I have ever seen. My first reaction upon coming to this village was sorrow, because they truly do not have anything... no toys for the children, no running water or electricity, homes made from sticks... but then my friend Sibyl reminded me that just because they do not have abundant material wealth like we do, does not mean they're unhappy. In fact these were some of the most content and joyous people I have seen this entire trip. It was a humbling experience because I saw how we tend to place so much value on acquiring new things, in hopes of finding our happiness. The perfect house and nice car, all the clothes we could manage to stuff into one closet, and endless shoes to match... yet many of us are still unhappy. These people literally had no material possessions, yet they had each other. They were surrounded by friends, family and love, and they were so happy! What an incredible message to take home with me.

Monday evening was my first night teaching at Freedom House, and what a learning experience that was! My lesson plan was to start with some yoga poses and then teach the names of each body part in English. The children had a really fun time with this activity, but it was not easy, mainly because they are all different ages and at different learning levels. The ages range from four /five to twelve /thirteen. Some of the older kids know how to read and speak in English pretty well, while the younger ones do not even know the ABC's. Idealy the children would be split up into two classes, but because there is such limited space and so few volunteers, learning together is the only option. All of the children did a really good job at memorizing the names in English, like hand, food, face and eyes, but next week I think it may be a good idea to go back to the basics and teach them how to sound out each words. It's all just a learning process right? The other challenge was that they really do not understand most, if not all of what I am saying.... which is something I expected but didn't realize how tough it would be to get around. So I use a lot of arm gestures and physical demonstrations like opening my note book and getting out my pencil. But in the end, the children are just incredibly grateful to be in such a safe place, and to receive the opportunity to learn. Most of them spend the entire day working in the construction sites with their families or selling goods on the streets, so to come together in a fun atmosphere with other children is such a treat! In seeing this, I made sure to allow them some time for playing and talking because I know how important it is for them to be around their peers and to just be a kid!

Teaching yoga is also going well, and like anything, it's such a new experience every day. My classes are Tuesday/Thursday morning and evening, with some subbing in between. I really enjoy my schedule because it isn't too much- many of you know I'm am used to taking on way too many projects and activities, so it's nice to learn how to slow down a bit. My students are all different levels and coming from all different yoga traditions, so sometimes it can be a bit challenging knowing what to teach to. But I'm finding that if I just keep true to my authentic voice and allow modifications, it really seems to benefit everyone. Once again, it's all a learning process right? Speaking of all different backgrounds, I went to a Kirtan this weekend and was surrounded by people from every part of the globe. Kirtan is where people come together to sing, chant and share creative energy for a deeper purpose. Usually it's done in the Indian tradition, but we also sang chants in African, Rastafarian and English. There were drums, guitars, dancing and singing, and it really was amazing to have so much creative energy in one room. People from all walks of life coming together to feel the unity that we all share- to recognize that apart from our external appearance there is no real differences between us. It was really beautiful!

Have a great week and talk to you again soon

April

Seeing and Feelig So Much

2008-10-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

Each day brings something new, and I am working on being completely present to watch it all unfold. I am also beginning to feel more comfortable with finding my way around Chaing Mai and exploring all it's beauty. I bought a bike this past week, which is the little red cruiser you've seen in the pictures bellow- yep, there really is a seat on the back that is great for toting friends around town! Everyone has a motorbike here, they hand them out like candy without requiring any kind of training or even a helmet! I've seen kids as young as ten driving them around, and the locals often ride 2 or 3 people on the back. I guess nothing really surprises me after seeing entire families in India packed on to one tiny motorbike, with infant babies sitting side sattle on their mothers laps. But honestly the Thia's are very safe drivers... the real people you have to look out for is the tourists! The sidewalks here are all broken so I ride my red cruiser in the bike lane with other motorbikes and bicycles- the main thing I have to be careful of is remembering to stay in the left lane, other than that it's a great way to get around! I am able to see so much more of the city... a beautiful park with a lake and bamboo trees where I go to read during the day, street markets that sell the most amazing tropical fruits, as well as peaceful temples that I visit for daily meditation or chanting.

There really is so much I want to share about my experience here so far, but since I really only have a small space I'll tell you about the amazing non-profit organization I've found called Freedom House. It's a school that is dedicated towards helping Burmese refugees receive an education. Many families flee Burma to live in Northern Thailand in hopes of escaping poverty and hunger, only to be oppressed by the Thai government. Many take jobs at construction sites making next to nothing a day while their children are exposed to child labor at a frighteningly young ages. Because they are living here illegally, they are denied any formal education by the government, so about three years ago the founder, named Lisa, opened her house to hold classes for the refugee children and their parents. Recently she received enough funding by local and national doners to move out of her house and open a small school. Lisa donates her time, making absolutely no money, and all her teachers are volunteers. She holds classes every evening (so that the families can work during the day) downstairs for the children, and upstairs for young adults. Lisa is headed back to the U.S. for a few months to raise more funding for the school because she barely has enough to stay afloat. And that is how the universe brought us together - she needed a teacher, and I was looking for a way to help within the community. Everything always happens the way it's supposed to. I will be teaching English every Monday evening to a small group of Burmese children varying in all different ages. The school is a tiny building with brightly painted walls decorated with the most beautiful children's artwork. When I visited a few days ago for my first time, I arrived to find children sitting on the floor coloring pictures with so much excitement and joy. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to work with such wonderful children and to help in whatever way I can... although I have a feeling I will learn much more from them then they will learn from me!

A culturally shocking experience I had this week was another one involving young children being deprived of their innocence. Muay Thai fights are held twice a week at a nearby arena and are a popular form of entertainment for locals and tourists. I felt a bit nervous about going because this really isn't something I am ordinarily interested in, but since martial arts is such a big part of Asian culture I wanted to experience it at least once. I went with a few friends and was totally unprepared for what I saw. First to describe the arena to you; it's basically like what you would picture a dark, smokey warehouse to look like. There was a bar, tiny tables surrounding the rink and lots of men placing bets. The evening was scheduled to start at 9:00 with a long list of opponents paired to fight. Two tiny boys in small gym shorts and over sized boxing gloves entered the arena - they could not have been older than 11 or 12! I watched as they prepared for the flight and wondered if they really wanted to be up there, or if they would rather be playing hide and seek with their neighborhood friends. When the bell rang and they lept on each other, I really couldn't even watch. Grown men circled around the rink yelling and screaming as these two boys violently thrashed at one another. I realize that training for any sport starts at a young age, but it was so sad to see such young children fighting while so many people stood around cheering. My friend Sibyl has a 10 year old son and she began crying next to me, so I took her by the hand and we left. We talked about how important it is for us to be aware of the differences in the Thai culture, but it doesn't mean we have to support it.

I think back to the children I saw coloring pictures on the floor of their classroom at the Freedom House, and how a few of the kids must have been the same age as the boys in the boxing rink. I realize that children all over the world are forced to grow up too fast, whether it be homelessness, child labor, exploitation or prostitution... but within the past month I am really experiencing it directly, and it's pretty painful. I feel even more inspired than before I left to work towards helping those children who may not be able to help themselves.

Love to you
April

Take a look through my eyes...

2008-10-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone, I figured out how to put some pictures up!!! Yea! But I'm sorry I can't figure out how to write a caption under each one to tell you what you are looking at. Just know that you are starting with me here in Thailand, and working your way down into India. Enjoy!

1

Beautiful Chaing Mia

2008-10-07T03:09:00.000-07:00

hi everyone! I feel like it's been so long since we have "talked!" I arrived in Thailand on the 3rd, and have spent the last 5 days getting situated here in Chiang Mai. It really hasn't been long, but already I can tell that I am going to love it here. I have heard many people back home compare the unique culture here in Chiang Mia to Boulder, and I can honeslty say that I feel surrounded by pieces of home. Of course there is a lot of yoga and Thai Yoga Massage here, along with Buddhist temples on just about every corner, beautiful old trees bursting with greenery and flowers from the afternoon rain, and wonderful vegetarian restaurants as far as the eye can see... actually this month is Buddhist Lent, so the entire town has gone vegetarian! Oh and the food, wow it's so fresh and tasty! Losts of tropical fruit, fresh smoothie and juice bars everywhere, of course yummy noodle and rice dishes, and the most interesting alternative meats made from many varieties of delicious mushrooms. Eating really is a huge part of the Thai culture, so there are a lot of cute little restaurants and street vendors where people eat at all times of the day. The Thai people are so sweet and gentle, it's really amazing. In India the people were welcoming, but it was a much more of an open friendliness. Here people tend to keep a bit more distance yet they can not help but smile and giggle with you for no reason at all... everyone is just so sweet and easy going, it's great! Oh, and a huge social event here is all the street markets. Every Saturday and Sunday they have a walking market where all the people from the hill tribes come into town and set up their beautifully hand made crafts, paintings, jewelry, clothing and food. Thousands of people walk the streets late into the night every single weekend, and it's truly a site to see! I went on Sunday evening and it was really fun!

Chaing Mai is a bigger city than I thought, but like Boulder it is also very close to some beautiful mountains, which I plan on visiting this weekend with a few new friends. As many of you know, I am not the best with directions, so these past few days have been filled with wandering aimlessly around the streets trying to become familiar with my new surroundings. Luckily I've made friends with some other foreigners who are happy to wander around too! I had no idea that such a global community travels here, and I have already met some of the most interesting people who have all come to live for an extended period of time just like me. People from France, England, South America, Italy, Spain, Mexico, and Russia... all carrying unique stories from differnt backgrounds... but of course I'm finding that we really are so much the same; once again coming back to interconectivity. Today I spent the day with a retired professional contemporary dancer from Montreal named Rhainon and a spunky France girl named Naddali who was living in India before comeing to Chaing Mia. And tonight I'm heading over to a near by guest house to teach a yoga class to some new friends, Sebile and Meguiel from Mexico who are both here studying Thai Yoga Massage - they have adopted me as their yoga teacher in exchange for massage treatments and teachings on Mayan astrology... which is an offer I could not resist!

So let me tell you a bit about yoga and the amazing studio that I am teaching at called Wild Rose! It's a really beautiful and quite place that has such a peaceful energy about it! It's a yoga studio as well as a sauna/spa where people come for asana and also to pamper their bodies with some deeply healing sauna treatments. The first day I got here, there was a community gathering at the studio where we had a yoga practice with a great teacher named Jo with funky blonde dreads from England, and then we all took a sauna together and ended the night sitting cross legged on the studio floor eating the most amazing vegetarian food and talking into the wee hours of the night. That was a great introduction into my Chaing Mai experience, and really how I met so many amazing people. I teach on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 10-11:30, but I am subbing a lot this month because a few of the teachers are on holiday, and I will also start to teach a couple of classes in the evenings in a few weeks. I have meet a few women who teach English in the near by schools and they are helping to get me connected with the after school programs so I can teach yoga to children. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with the cute Thai kids and learning more about their culture.

When I first arrived I stayed in a guest house that was very close to the studio for a few nights so I could rest a bit and get situated. Last night I moved into Rose's house, who is the owner of Wild Rose. She is on holiday with her husband John for two weeks in the northern islands off of Bangkok and gracously opened her lovley home to me! I really am so grateful to have been introduced to Rose, she has really taken me under her wing and has helped me to feel welcomed in this beautiful community. So right now I feel a bit spoiled living in a big spacious house all by my self, spending my mornings practicing or teaching yoga, having lots of time to read and write, lounging around with new friends and eating wonderful food... wow, do I feel spoiled!

I want to thank you all for the lovely comments you have been writting to me, it's so nice to have all your support. I'm telling you, this place is truly beautiful; the people, the culture, the nature... but I think of you all quiet often and wish you could experience this beauty right along with me! But I know we are so connected, eventhough we are on opposite sides of the world. I hope you are doing really well and that your surrounded by so much love!
"talk" to you again soon

Love
April

Culture Shock

2008-10-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

After completely falling in love with Dharmansala and the beauty I have found there, we were really apprehensive to leave our mountain paradise. Nichole and I had made a friend named Yad on our train ride who lives in Armistar, and many people told us that was an extremely amazing place to visit... so on Monday morning we packed up our bags and made the 5 hour journey back down the mountain. I have to say this developing city was not at all what I expected; but then again I guess I really didn't have any expectations!

Armistar is in the northern district of Panjabi, and is mainly populated by people of the Sikh religion, which makes up 3% of of the all the wealthiest people in India. Yad took us around to visit two Sikh temples, one being the famous Golden Temple (yes it is completely made of gold), which is built in the middle of a moat with a beautiful marble walkway surrounding the crystal clear water. Here we learned about the customs and traditions of Sikh's, who are most commonly identified by tall colorful turbans and a single silver band on their wrists. Yad also showed us the city's university which was originally a Brithish king's palace around 300 years ago. Touring this beautiful college raised mixed emotions in my heart... although I am extremely happy that young people from wealthy families get the chance to receive a higher education, I can't help but think back to my dear friend and Hindu teacher Kamna, who will have to stop studying next year because there are no classes offered to Hindu's past the 8th grade. Seeing this city of Armistar and the large amount of wealth that is concentrated in such a small place, has really opened my eyes to the inequality that exists in this country. It's something that I was completely unaware of in Rishekesh because everyone there lives in poverty... but experiencing this stark contrast within the same underdeveloped nation just broke my heart.

We only stayed in Armistar for 3 days, and our last night Yad took us to the Pakistan border to watch the flag ceremony, which is a very popular daily event for the people here. Nichole and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into! We arrived to what appeared to be a sporting event - concession stands selling soda and chips, TV's portraying the crowd and military men preparing for the event, young boys selling pop corn and bottled water, and around a thousand people pushing their way through security to find a good seat in the stands. When we first sat down in the bleachers we were really amused watching the excited crowd and comically dressed army men... but then it started to sink in what exactly was taking place. We had heard that the Muslims in Pakistan and the Hindu/Sikh population in India do not get along, but never really found out where the tension started from. This daily flag ceremony is a way for these two countries to meet in celebration of the deep conflict that exists between them. We sat on one side of the border in stadium steating, listening to Indian music as people cheered and danced in the crowd, while the Pakistanis sat on the other side of a steal gated fence listening to their own music and chanting their own cheers. I truly felt like I was in a football game and we were each cheering for our teams - only this was not a game! This is a real life rivalry between human beings. As the flag procession took place and the army men from both sides dramatically marched around, I began to feel truly sick. I realized that we were in the middle of a celebration of conflict and that these two countries put so much energy everyday towards strengthening the separation that they perceive exists between them. I looked around the crowd to see families with young children and groups of school kids on class field trips, and the pain in my stomach got worse. These two countries are teaching their children that it is ok to hate and to separate yourself from other human beings. If we teach this to our children then there truly is no hope for peace in the future. When we finally left, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with pain and compassion for both of these people. As upset as I felt, I am grateful that I experienced this event because I'm sure that this sort of perpetuation of separation happens all over the world, and it's something that I need to be aware of. On our car ride home we listened to Michael Franti's song "Everyone Deserves Music" where he sings about no matter where we come from, what we believe in, or what we look like, we are all human beings and we all deserve the beauty of music in our lives. I think sometimes we forget that with all the perceived differences, we are all just human beings, and it's this forgetfulness that somehow makes it ok to treat one another without love or compassion. This makes me remember the Dalia Lama's teachings of interdependency and how we really are all so deeply connected - what hurts one person, hurts us all.

We flew back into Delhi late last night and I will leave tonight at midnight for Thailand, while Nichole will get on a plane tomorrow to head back home. We were going to take a 3 1/2 hour taxi ride to see the Taj Mahal but both Nichole and I woke up this morning feeling very physically sick, which I'm grateful that it only came to us at the end of our trip... so many people get sick from the food and water the entire time they are in India. I think this may be our bodies way of telling us to slow down and take some time to process everything that we have just experienced. The past three weeks have been so powerful, and I feel sad to leave Nichole and to leave India. Rishekesh, Dharmansala, and Armistar were very distinctively different places, that it truly felt like we were in three different countries. I learned so much from each place, from each person I have met, from the beautiful surroundings and especially from my own heart. It makes me think of a line in one of Michael Franti's songs: "The more I see, the less I know." India was amazing, and now I am truly looking forward to seeing my new home in Thailand, and I will promise to write again when I get settled.
Sending love!
April

Compassion

2008-09-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Nichole and I left Risheskeh on Tuesday to explore the rest of Northern India. It was difficult to leave because we have made so many wonderful friends, with the women on our yoga retreat and with the local Hindu people. Our last night we had a farewell party with our wonderful new community and danced the night away to funky Indian music. Nichole and I had heard that the Dalai Lama would be speaking for three days in Dharmansala, so we changed our previous plans and decided to head straight to this Himalayan community. Traveling anywhere in India is not easy, it takes a lot of patience, good humor, and a tough stomach... and as many of you know, I get nautious very easily! We decided to take the 9 hour night train rather than airplane: one, it was much cheaper (around 500 rupee, which is about 10 US dollars) and two, everyone has told us the main things we must do in India is attend a Hindi wedding and ride the train (somehow crashing a wedding hasn't come up yet, but we still have a few more days). I'm not sure if I can put into words how comical/ crazy/ overwhelming/ life-flashing-before-your-eyes/ intense our experience of the station and actually riding all night on a crowded train in India really was... so the best I can do is tell you to see the movie Darjeeling Limited, because that sums it up pretty well. And to make it all so much better, we then took a 5 hour car ride up the windey, gravel roads of the Himalayas... needless to say my stomach was in my throat by the end of the day.

But arriving in this beautiful town was more than worth the trip. Dharmanasala is a Tibetan Buddhist community where the Dalai Lama lives along with many other Tibetan refugees. It is a cute little town that is nuzzled into the side of the mountains, and it truly has it's own unique culture... it feels like we have stepped out of India and into Tibet. We have been spending our time hiking through the winding paths of the green trees, eating wonderful Tibetan food, reading about the Buddha's teachings, making friends with the sweet locals (and just to prove that the world really is a small place, we ran into my friend Dorjee from my plane ride to India), taking yoga classes (and really trying hard to appreciate all the different traditional styles of yoga that are taught here) and of course, listening to the Dalai Lama speak.

For the past three days Nichole and I have walked down to the local Buddhist temple after breakfast to listen to a 2 hour teaching. Each day we were surrounded by such beautiful people... local Tibetan Buddhists, Hindus, tourists from all over the world in every shape, color and religion... it didn't matter. What mattered was that we were all brought together with the intention of peace and love. The Dalai Lama was everything you would imagine; blissful, playful, funny, inspirational, and passionate. He spoke very informally, making jokes and taking time to drink tea and eat biscuits with everyone in the crowd. Each day I walked away from the lesson with so much inspiration and clarity in my heart... but I know you must be curious as to what he spoke about, so I will try my best to summarize it here:

His main message was about compassion, and how it truly is the key to life. He said that no matter what our differences (gender, race, background, social statues, age, etc.) that we are all so very similar, and having compassion in our hearts will help us to feel that connection. We all have the same fears, hopes, dreams, desires, and needs; in essence we are all human beings. Once we can truly see that there are no differences between us, only then can we begin to work together towards peace. We must first learn to have unconditional love and compassion for ourselves, so that we can then extend it to the world. Honoring the light and perfection in our own hearts, allows us to see that exact same thing in others. The Dalia Lama explained that the foundation of Buddhism rests on compassion, but that there area also two more important parts. The first is ahimsa, which is sanskrit for non-violence... to have completely loving thoughts and actions towards all sentient beings. The second is interdependency, which acknowledges that all of existence is connected. To know that all of our pain, anger, fear, joy and sorrow directly effects one another, and that there is no separation. Living through non-violence and the concept of interdependency are both done by having compassion for oneself and the entire universe.

Yeah I know, pretty powerful!

This morning Nichole and I walked around the grounds of the temple along with many other people completing their morning prayer and meditation walk. Along the peaceful path there were Tibetan prayer flags hanging from the trees, hand painted stones with the Buddhist mantra of compassion, and prayer wheels that are turned clockwise while repeating ones prayer or mantra. There was a such an extremely beautiful feeling of peace along the entire path, that I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with the foundation of Buddhism: compassion. Compassion for these amazing Tibetan refugees, and all of the struggles they have faced. Compassion for the beautiful nature that was surrounding me. Compassion for myself and this amazing journey that I am on. Compassion for the Dalai Lama and his vision to spread peace all over the world. Compassion for the my friends and family who are not physically with me, but who I can feel every day. And compassion for the entire universe, with all of its sorrows, joys, pain and beauty. I felt all of this in just our short hour walk around the temple, and yet people walk this very path every morning. Imagine if everyone in the world started their day with thoughts and feelings of compassion towards all beings! What a peaceful world we would live in.

So Much Love

2008-09-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

I have been here in Reshikesh for almost a week and it seems like so much longer. I have been experiencing so much, and meeting so many amazing people that I'm truly overwhelmed with gratitude. We are staying in a place called Divine Ganga Cottage, and the name perfectly describes the feeling. It is tucked away in a peaceful spot at the base of the Himalayas, and it overlooks the Gangese River - which Hindus call Mata Ganga and is considered to be very holy. The Cottage is sandwiched between an orphanage and a school, so I get to wake up every morning to children singing and practicing their English. We are a vary close walk to the town of Rhom Jhula, which is where we spend most days exploring the streets. The town is filled with beautiful women in brightly colored saris, men in linens selling all sorts of amazing jewelry and fabrics, beautiful Indian music, little carts filled with interesting looking sweets and breads, the occasional foreigner looking excited yet extreemly overwhelemed, monkeys who steel food right out of your hands, and cows mingling with the people ( they are considered to be very holy here). There are so many sights, sounds and smells that my scenes feel like they are waking from a deep sleep.

Amidst all the beauty, there is lots of poverty. People clothed in rags and holding beginning bowls line the dirty streets which are filled with trash and cow poop. The poverty here is overwhelming at times, and there is so much I want to do to help out. They gather by the Ganga during the day to take their baths, and stand in a rashon line during the evenings to receive a small portion of food provided by the yoga asharam here in town. I had a very emotional moment one day when I saw all the people with deep empty eyes paiently waiting for their meal in an extreemly long line... There were so many tourists standing around taking pictures of them, as if they were animals in a cage. It hit me then, that we have no idea what it's like to exist within such extreme poverty. There are so many people starving to death, and all we can do is stand back and take pictures... this separates us so much from one another. They too are human beings with desires, hopes, dreams and fears, and they are no different than us. I have so much compassion for the people here, that it feels overwhelming at times.

My main intention upon coming to this amazing country was to learn about meditation and yoga, and while that makes up a large part of my day, I also feel like I'm learning so much about selfless service and unconditional love. The people here do not have material wealth so instead they give their hearts. It seems as if their total purpose is to please their guests and to make us feel taken care of. I met a young girl name Kamna while she was walking past the Cottage one day to school, and we have become very good friends. She and her sister Shikha have learned English in school and are teaching Nichole and I Hindi out of their home. They have three other sisters and live in a humble one room house with only a tiny kitchen, three beds pushed together that they share, and no running water or bathroom. When we go over for our lessons, we sit cross legged on their bed, while their mother prepares us tea and their little sisters draw us pictures. Hindi is such a amazing language, but truthfully I am learning so much more about their culture and their beautiful hearts. So far my favorite words are:

Byar- Love
Sundar- Beautiful
Sukriya- Thank You
Dost- Friend

Last night we went over to their house to celebrate Kamna's birthday, and we had such an amazing time. I feel like they are my Indian family and that we have known each other forever. They have invited Nichole and I to come live with them.... it's amazing that they have so little space, yet they want to make room for two more in their small home. So much love!

Besides gaining a greater perspective on humanity, I am also getting to experience so many more amazing things. Yesterday we hiked in the Himalayas near a waterfall, and being immersed in this incredible nature was really powerful. I have meat with a Vedic Astrologer which was very interesting, and have received the most amazing Aryvedic massage. We wake up at 4:30am to do a two hour Sadhana practice, which consits of chanting, meditation, and prayer. This has been extreemly difficult yet powerful in so many ways. This morning it was pouring rain, and I could truly feel the inner and outer change that we are creating. We also practice daily vinyasa and kundalini yoga classes, and the beauty of flowing with the Himalaya's surrounding us is truly undescribable. I have heard for years how magical India is, and now I am truly begining to see why.

I miss you all so much, but I also feel you here with me! I'm sending so much love back home to the states, and know that my heart is with you always

Byar
April

Namaste

2008-09-13T06:53:00.000-07:00

After over 20 hours of travel time and lots of anticipation, I've made it safely to India! The flight was much quicker than I had imagined... partially because I was excited by the Hindu movies, beautiful traditional music, and surprisingly delicious Indian air plane food... but also because of the company. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed upon boarding the flight from my hectic layover at New York... but just then I was greeted with a familiar loving hello: Namaste. This is a greeting in Sanskrit that acknowledges the the love and goodness in all beings. Upon boarding the flight, a beautiful steradesss dressed in a green and blue sari had her hands in angali mudra over her heart center, to gave me the most compassionate smile while saying "Namaste." I returned the greeting, and immediately realized in my heart that I am exactly where I am supposed to be... and that no matter where in the world we come from, we are much more similar than we realize.

I sat next to a sweet man named Dorjee who was traveling to Dharmansala to visit his mother, whom he had not seen in 4 years. He is a Tibetan refugee who now lives in Chicago, and he openly told me about his escape from the dangers of China's takeover. He fled into the mountains with 30 other people from his small village, and walked through very unsafe terrain for over a month. He talked to me about how compassionate Tibetans are, and how much they support the Dahli Lama's choice for peace. He seemed so pained when talking about the destruction of his beautiful country, and I assured him that there are many people all over the world who are supportive of the freedom of Tibet. With his joyful eyes and compassionate smile, I could see just how much love he has for his people. He now lives with his wife and son Karma, who just recently escaped from Tibet, although Dorjee said now it is almost impossible for people to leave the country. He told me that Tibetan people were never allowed the chance to receive an education, and he is just now learning to read and write. The first time he ever saw a computer was a few years ago, and he recently learned how to drive a car. He says it's been difficult adjusting to our modern world, but that he feels much safer in America. He is visiting Dharmansala not only to spend time with his mother, but also to pray and take some yoga classes. I told him I am a yoga instructor and that I was also planning on visiting this holy city. He asked if perhaps I could be his teacher, but I have a feeling he has taught me more than I could ever give him.

After arriving in New Dehli I was picked up by a friendly man who was sent from the hotel that I will be spending the night in. In just riding through the city for 15 minutes, I already feel like I have seen so much! The highways are lined with everything from packed buses, tiny cars (I think called tuk tuks), expensive foreign automobiles, motorcycles with women in saris riding side saddle on the back (and sometimes with babies on their laps!) to bicycles and even people walking/dodging the oncoming traffic! All of this on the highway! And billboards lined the streets in English with American companies, to signify the wave of western culture that has overtaken the city. While one block looked like a mini Manhattan, the next was runned down with poverty. I have never seen so much trash lining the streets, and so many people wandering aimlessly looking for something to do. I'm sure I am in for an even bigger shock when I begin to enter the really impoverished towns away from this modernized city.

I have met up with the other women, and we are spending the night here in New Dehli, and will head off to Rishekish first thing in the morning. It feels so good to be here in a place that is very foreign, yet a bit familiar at the same time. Mala's hanging from dash boards, friendly smiles, bright colors and greetings of Namaste... I beginning to feel at home away from home.

On my way...

2008-09-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am writing my story for all of you to experience this journey right along with me. From my eyes to your hearts. Thank you for all the encouragement and support, it's because of you that I have the courage to embrace this amazing opportunity!

I know I have bounced around a lot with many different ideas for my trip, and I'm sure many of you are still wondering where exactly I'm headed... Let me share my itenarary with you, so we know what we're getting ourselves into!

I leave this Friday, September 12th for a 6 month journey to three different countries, with three very different intentions. My first stop is 3 weeks in Northern India near the Himalayas. For the first week I am traveling with a group of seven amazing women to the holy city of Rishikesh to join a yoga retreat lead by a dear friend and amazing teacher, Val DAmbrosio. After a week of meditation and yoga, my friend Nichole Golden and I will head off to an ashram in Kaichi for a week long stay. Our last week in India we plan on visiting Dharamasla where the Dalai Lama lives, the sacred city of Vernace and New Delhi to see to Taj Mahal. My intention for India is to fully embrace the role of a student; to study yoga and meditation, and to explore the Hindu and Buddhist cultures.

The second country is where I will be spending the most time, Thailand. I will be living in Chiang Mai which is a city in the north, best known for Thai Yoga Massage, friendly people, beautiful surroundings and of course, yoga. I will be staying here for 4 months to teach yoga in studios, spas, and possibly through community outreach in local orphanages and schools. My main intention in Thailand, is not only to fully immerse myself in their eastern culture, but also to dedicate myself to teaching. I do realize that in many ways I will be learning and growing as a student in this foreign land, but I also hope to bring something new to the people that I meet.

The last planned stop on my trip is Cambodia where I will stay for one month in the city of Phenom Penn. As many of you know, I have been raising money for the Cambodian Children's Fund for the past 7 months, and now is the moment where I will get to actually be with the children I have come to love so much. During my stay I will live with a host family and work on the orphanage each day, which is very similar to the program my friend Jamie J just retruned from. Throughout all of my efforts to raise awareness within our community, I can honestly say I am most excited about this part of my journey. Many of you have supported me so much through the past 7 months, and I promise to take a piece of you with me into the orphanages every single day. My intention in Cambodia is dedicated towards seva, which in Sanskrit means selfless service.

Once again I want to thank you all for your continued love and support, I feel so grateful to have such amazing friends and family in my life! I'm so happy I can share my journey with you all over the next 6 months, and even though we will be on opposite sides of the world, I know we will always be connected!

Love and Peace
April